I don't know what is wrong with my personal statement.

[emzemt713]

I.......

[diablo03]

Not that my opinion means much (not a PA here), but I feel the whole thing reads a little choppy.

 

I know as a provider that the first example threw me off, I couldn't help thinking why you would put an NPA in a trauma patient who sounds like they have facial trauma.  

 

Overall I think it is a decent personal statement, but it didn't read smoothly for me.

 

Again just my two cents.  Hope you still hear good things from where you applied....

[lddelellis]

This sounds more like a research paper on health care and the PA profession.

[SCHW9076]

You consistently switch between past and present tense, you've got to pick one and stick to it.

[student 123456]

Okay, I have a few different pointers. Not trying to tear this essay apart, but I think it is fairly weak as a personal statement.

As an unsuspecting rookie I didn’t know that in medicine, we expect the unexpected. I hopped out of the ambulance with the jump bag, and I watched the crew chief approach the patient. I quickly realized this wasn’t a regular job. ...........The most beautiful thing happened--I watched him breathe deep and his face fill with color.

I personally feel that many, many, MANY personal statements used are emergency moments that give the applicant an "ah- ha" moment for wanting to pursue medicine/PA school. I have heard this is typically frowned upon because 1) it's unrealistic and usually untrue and 2) doesn't prove that you have thought through this pathway. 

 

 

Just the pursuit of the physician assistant profession has changed me. And to think, it’s only the beginning. I want to be a part of the movement toward a more effective high quality health care system in the United States, which relies heavily on the next generation of physician assistants. This is a public health reality. This profession cultivates change, for here we see the bridging of the gap between patients and providers. It’s a real win, as more medical doctors will become available to tend to patients with complicated conditions.

***

Patients are received by a health care provider with a skilled knowledge set. A provider who definitely chose this profession because they require all of the intimate patient contact they can get to be personally satisfied with their career. This is a PA, a provider who chose their career not because they wanted to be noble and not because they couldn’t make it to medical school. Physician assistants do so because they possess the unique ability to be a foundational member in a medical team who is capable of practicing autonomously. As an effective team member, physician assistants know what they know, and know what they don’t know—and this is critical.

***

Special emphasis should be placed on the concept of teamwork with respect to health care. Without exception, an efficient and sound medical team ensures exceptional health care. As a crew chief EMT, EMS special operations member, and supervisor of a six man EMS team, I understand that as healthcare professionals, the concept of unity is our closest ally in achieving personal success in this profession. As practitioners we have an obligation to the preservation of human life, and as a health care team we should function like a well-oiled machine. Personally, I find it satisfying that a PAs responsibilities coincide with the work of both doctors and nurses. For practicality reasons alone, a physician assistant’s role is vital.

I agree with lddlellis on this one-this part sounds like a research essay.

 

The night before I shadowed a physician assistant in surgery, I couldn’t sleep. I was so excited. I found myself quite pleased that the impeccable unison I desire existed—the physician assistant, as the right hand to the surgeon, worked in complete tandem with him. I knew this because of their communication: it was so efficient that they barely spoke, and the physician assistant complimented the surgeons’ expertise. With the aid of several nurses their combined effort was seamless. With my glorious three hours of sleep, I stood through nearly ten hours of surgery and I have never felt so alive.   

I think this is valuable but needs to be re-worked. It is important to use examples to show that you have an understanding of the PA profession. However, it is wordy and over exaggerated. 

 

 

I believe myself capable of handling the rigors of a physician assistant education. I have excelled in simultaneous science courses while holding multiple jobs, EMT school, conducting research, and volunteer work while balancing up to twenty credits.  I proved resilient and dedicated. On one occasion I received WE’s (excused withdraws) for an entire semester due to a tragic event that devastated me but ultimately did not break me. In less than a year I was enrolled at a new college, in a new city, attending EMT school and volunteering in a hospital—more motivated then ever to achieve my dream of physician assistant studies.

***

I believe in the quality work that physician assistants deliver. I greatly desire to be a part of the movement towards improved effective and quality health care in the United States.  For me, being a physician assistant is crucial to this collaborative initiative. I will lead patients to a positive health care experience, improve their lives, and teach my patients to value their health.  Through my work I will inspire future physician assistants to take this path just as ones practicing today have touched and inspired me. 

First paragraph is good. Second paragraph is a week conclusion IMO. I think it should be a summary of your reasons for wanting to pursue PA and experiences which have prepared you (both school and work)....which I think you need to write because it currently is not in your essay.

 

I'm sorry if these pointers seem harsh, take them as you will. I am not a PA yet but applied this year and got 6 interviews so I think my PS was decent. Methodist University gives some tips for the personal statement which helped me immensely (http://www.methodist.edu/personal-statement). It is also important to add that although your stats are good, a lot of success in applying varies on WHERE you apply.

 

Good Luck and I hope you get some interviews!!

[emzemt713]

I actually just got my first interview today. Thanks everyone... this is really important just to have. I really appreciate it. 

[emzemt713]

Not that my opinion means much (not a PA here), but I feel the whole thing reads a little choppy.

 

I know as a provider that the first example threw me off, I couldn't help thinking why you would put an NPA in a trauma patient who sounds like they have facial trauma.  

 

Overall I think it is a decent personal statement, but it didn't read smoothly for me.

 

Again just my two cents.  Hope you still hear good things from where you applied....

You are right that I was not very specific, for sure. There was no facial trauma, but because I left out some major details the reader is left to make their own conclusions-- esp. not good considering the reader is likely a clinician, and thus naturally have an analytical brain. Yikes. There are some mistakes here for sure. Thanks for the input. I wish I would have done this before submitting.