Desperate for some harsh criticism!! Take your frustrations from applying out on my PS!

[cchoi519]

Hello everyone, I'd really appreciate some feed back on my personal statement :)

Main questions I have are: Is it flowing well? Am I too repetitive especially in the last two paragraphs? Is it applicant material?

And just other general critique is much appreciated!

Good luck to those applying!

 

 

Amy huddled in the corner of the room, screaming and hitting her head repeatedly. Saliva spewed out the corners of her mouth as her eyes frantically danced about. Having briefly glanced at her history, I knew that she had been diagnosed with autism and severe mental disability as a toddler. I approached her in a calm and gentle manner, eventually managing to get near enough to slowly embrace her in an attempt to placate her fears. Her sobs turned into small whimpers, her hand stroking my arm in a repetitive manner. I was filled with an immediate sense of reward as I realized that as a mere volunteer I had provided relief and comfort to a patient in her time of

distress. This feeling was further amplified as I continued to help the physician during Amy’s annual physical; by using the rapport I had established with her just a few moments prior, I was able to keep her calm throughout the rest of the examination. Moments like these, in which I could be of direct service to a patient and feel an impact, helped pique my curiosity for a profession in the medical field. I knew I wanted to pursue a career in which I could provide quality care and ensure patients’ safety, and was excited to explore the many avenues available to do so.

In order to expand my knowledge of the many different types of healthcare professions, I interned as a Clinical Care Extender (CCE) at St. Mary Medical Center. My experiences there helped me to gain extensive exposure to not only the myriad of different illnesses and injuries people were afflicted with, but also the vast team of medical professionals who worked tirelessly to combat them. One such experience was when I learned to work as part of a cohesive team during an emergency situation. One evening, as “code blue” rang loudly from the speakers I found myself waiting in nervous anticipation amongst other medical staff to assist an elderly male stroke patient. The EMT who brought the patient in quickly stated the patient was found unconscious on his bathroom floor for an unknown amount of time. The PA sprang into action and quickly asked the nurse to insert a ventilator tube into Hector’s mouth. He swiftly and deftly proceeded to perform CPR as the other staff and I readied the defibrillator. The rush of adrenaline helped me steady my racing mind and shaking hands as I pumped Hector’s chest, hoping for any signs of life.

I wish this story were a triumphant memory in which the patient recovered but like far too many other stroke patients, he had not been found quickly enough. A rare opportunity arose for me to accompany the PA while he informed the family of their loss. With this glimpse into the other duties of the profession, I discovered several traits required of the PA. Among those, true compassion and empathy served to create personal connections that helped to assuage the pain and sense of loss. I was able to observe this in action as I watched the PA make every reasonable effort to listen to and address everyone’s concerns before going back to report the situation to the physician- a seemingly small act on the PA’s part but something that meant a great deal to the family.

Upon reflection, I was greatly humbled to have been a part of this team of professionals, working harmoniously in giving the patient everything we had; we were pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly together, each assuming different roles. From my experiences in the acute clinical and outpatient settings, the defining role for PAs seemed to be true dedication and mastery of quick decision-making. Moreover, I was inspired by the display of compassion and empathy toward patients above and beyond my expectations. To them, patients were not a number or a file, but individuals that deserved their fullest attention and care. Also, PAs possess strong resilience and the mental maturity and capacity to face the rigorous lifestyle on a daily basis, such as explaining the death of a patient and not letting it get to them.

Having observed PAs in such a critical role, I am confident in not only my decision to choose this path, but also of my ability to excel in these situations. From volunteering, I have honed my interpersonal skills and even thrived on developing a rapport with the patients to minimize any discomfort. Having the chance to really make a difference in someone’s life is a goal that I see myself fulfilling if I were to become a PA. From working in the administrative and clinical setting at a pediatrics office, I have gained knowledge of different health care and insurance policies, which I believe are essential points of knowledge that a PA must have in order to accommodate patients’ varying socioeconomic statuses. From my daily face-to-face encounters with patients, I also learned a great deal in how to interact with patients of all kinds by being able to adapt my communication strategy.

The opportunity to pursue a profession in which I’ve found passion and respect for is something that I find difficult to ignore. The idea of making Autonomous? decisions in treating patients but also being able to consult a physician and working as a cohesive  team to convey the best method of treatment is what I believe to be the most efficient way. I strive to be a strong addition to the PA workforce, working to provide best treatment for those in need

[SERENITY NOW]

Overall, very good!  You write very well.  A few thoughts...

 

1 - Your code blue experience.  I think you may have been mistaken in your observations of this event - nurses don't intubate, and the correct term would have been 'endotracheal tube', instead of 'ventilator tube', which again is a procedure only performed by MDs/DOs/PAs/NPs.  Not at all faulting you for this mistake, but it will distract real PAs who read this.  

 

2 - The first highlighted sentence has a good sentiment but the use of "lifestyle" doesn't really fit, and 3 'ands' isn't great either.  "On a daily basis, PAs must possess the strong resilience and mental maturity to face these rigorous challenges, such as explaining the death of a patient, all the while without letting it negatively impact their own emotional well-being."

 

3 - The last paragraph could use some work.  I feel like the second sentence is just forced in there but doesn't really fit.  I'd either take it out, or find better transitions to make that sound like it was meant to be there.  

[paproof]

Overall it looks good.  Be sure to spell out "physician assistant" before abbreviating to PA.