Need feedback on Personal statement! :)

[Kristyariel94]

Life rarely ever goes as planned; one day the wind is blowing east, and the

 

next blows west. I have spent the majority of my life trying to avoid the changes in

 

the wind meant to guide us to what we are to be. With my planned out, step-by- step

 

map I was ready to start my journey. Or so I thought.

 

My college years were defined by my goal of becoming a doctor. I had a

 

detailed timeline of what my life would look like and I was very resistant to any

 

change. Toward the end of my college career, my life, already unrecognizable to me,

 

was turned upside down. My dad attempted to take his life; my family was falling

 

apart; things that I thought I would never have to worry about were suddenly at the

 

center of my world. All of my plans were no longer the focus of my life. All that

 

mattered to me was my family. I graduated and began looking into other career

 

options that would correspond with the Bachelor’s degree I had just earned. The

 

dream of becoming a doctor slowly faded until it became an unobtainable reality.

 

After some time I had decided to pursue a corporate job in Seattle. With my

 

new life plan, flight booked, lease ready to sign, and in contact with several

 

companies, I was excited to pursue a career in business. That same summer, a few

 

months before my move across the country, I went on a mission trip with my

 

church.

 

Apparently I had to travel thousands of miles away just to have a casual

 

conversation with a stranger that would change the trajectory of my life. I was

 

walking down the dimly lit streets of southern Italy one summer night when I met

 

Miriam. Miriam had been walking not too far in front of me when she started to walk

 

with a certain sway to her stride. It wasn’t long before she plummeted to the ground.

 

I ran to ensure she was okay. Between my broken Italian-Spanish dialect and her

 

rudimentary English I was able to understand that she had started to feel dizzy with

 

a very bad headache. I helped her up and walked her to the nearest gelateria where

 

we sat and talked while she waited for the Advil I had given her to kick in. After a

 

few minutes of introducing ourselves she explained to me that she had felt dizzy

 

because “a wind had hit her.” I am sure at this point I probably gave her a really

 

strange look; I was certain that she had meant to say something else but it got lost in

 

translation. After a few more questions, I realized that she truly believed that her

 

near passing out was due to the wind. Mind you, it was cool summer night with

 

little-to- no breeze. Over the course of the next few days I was able to spend more

 

time with Miriam; she had grown and lived her entire life in the small city of

 

Salerno. We talked about her childhood, her family, and her dreams of one day

 

traveling to the United States. And given my immense curiosity, I asked her about

 

this “wind” that had “hit” her the previous night.

 

While in Italy my eyes were opened to so many new things. I learned many

 

cultural norms, for example how it is considered rude to turn down a glass of wine

 

that is offered to you, or how it considered disrespectful for women to wear pants

 

inside any Duomos in the city, or how if you have a headache or aren’t feeling too

 

well, it is most likely due to "colpo d'aire"; which translates to “a wind hit you.”

 

It didn’t take long for me to put the pieces together: Italians don’t drink much

 

water throughout the day and I met several people who attributed their feelings of

 

sickness to "colpo d'aire"; In my mind, it was obvious, these people were dehydrated

 

and were suffering the serious effects of it.

 

I was reminded of why I was initially interested in a health care profession.

 

Of course I want to help people, and for a long time I couldn’t imagine myself doing

 

anything else. But what does it for me is that there are people like Miriam all around

 

the world, in our cities, in our schools, and quite possibly on our street that are

 

attributing their health problems to the “wind”, simply because they don’t know

 

anything different. Every night on that trip I spent hours on my phone determining

 

if it was too late for me to pursue a career in healthcare. The spark that started my

 

fire many years ago ignited in me once again. I knew deep down that I had a passion

 

for medicine that was never going to disappear.

 

After a lot of reflection and research, I realized that I wanted to pursue my

 

passion for medicine as a Physician Assistant. I couldn’t believe that I did not look

 

into this career sooner. I feel like I am so much better fit for a career as a PA then I

 

ever was for a doctor. Something I find really cool is that being a PA is very similar

 

to the role of a teacher. I know that I want to play a role in not just treating my

 

patients but educating them on how to maintain their health in a way that works for

 

them. I knew that I wanted to provide care for patients but I also wanted to be

 

involved with the diagnosis and treatment as well. This is the main reason I decided

 

against becoming a nurse. I also admire the relationship between the PA and their

 

supervising physician and the team environment that is established. I like the idea of

 

knowing that I can rely on my team for support. I also love learning and the thought

 

of being able to learn and work in different specialties is something that excites me

 

and something I find a very attractive aspect of this career. While in Italy, I found

 

what I had once lost, my drive to pursue what I am truly passionate about. The same

 

night I got home from Italy, I started my CASPA application.

 

These past couple of years have been anything but expected. I have

 

experienced life in a way that was never part of my plan. The wind of my life has

 

blown me in so many different directions that for a while I was lost.

 

Life rarely goes as planned, and for that, I am thankful. I have learned that

 

sometimes it is better to see where the wind takes you, because if I have learned

 

anything from this experience it is that the “wind” works in unexpected ways and

 

will eventually lead too to where to were made to be.

[Louisnlife]

Im not much of a critiquer. I like the style

[ColoradoIMCardsPA]

I think it works as a creative writing piece but (if I were the admissions person) is weak as a PA school personal statement.

- It is risky to give the impression that you really want to be a doctor but that this is unattainable to you. I do not know what your science grades are but if they are not so good, this can be interpreted by the admissions committee as you thinking that PA school is an easier version of med school. It is a shorter, arguably more intense version in which you do not learn as much basic science, but for the 2 years that you are doing it it is comparably difficult. Why not take the science classes again and get better grades and apply to med school? I know in reality there are many reasons (family, financial) that that would not be practical. But if you have "found your drive again" maybe it is.

- The "inspirational moment" approach is used by the majority of PA school applicants - a long story that describes what made you emotionally interested in medicine. However, the "inspirational moment" and romantic notions about being a healthcare provider are not enough to sustain you through the realities of any significant amount of actual medical practice. The "inspirational moment" is ok to include briefly, but in a PA school application essay I am more impressed if someone spends more time talking about why they want to be a PA in particular, their understanding of the profession, their values (lifelong learning, team based practice) etc. You do talk about this a little at the end. I would change the proportions.

 

Team based practice and lifelong learning are important points to hit on but you could explain more convincingly why you like these things, rather than just saying you are in one sentence each.

 

Sorry if this is harsh.