Personal statement, please critique. MUCH APPRECIATED

[yismai2]

We all have dreams as children, some of which we strive to make achievable. Our loved ones help us achieve those dreams. I have always been passionate of my schooling and would immediately regret the unfortunate times I would have to miss a single day. At a young age I had fallen ill, due to a severe flu. My passion for school itself was more important to me than my own health. That is, until it was required that I go to the ER and get professional medical assistance (all at the age of eight).

  The process, the experience, and the challenges that I had observed in the facility gave me a better understanding and appreciation for those who work in hospitals. Those who have helped me allowed me to gain a further appreciation for their work. I became very fascinated with how the body works. At my young age, being ill was not only a frightening moment, but also a revelation to me. It was one of the first stepping-stones to allow me to begin planning, and pursing an education that would allow me to become a Physician’s Assistant.

            Moving forward I felt I needed to contribute back to society. I wanted to assist individuals in furthering their education. I was given the opportunity to volunteer at the Erie House, a non-profit organization that assists low-income families. The program was especially open to the youth on the verge of graduation. As a part of this program, I was able to assist the young teens with their schoolwork and provide them with the motivation in seeking out greater opportunities in life.  At this point in their lives, education is a key to success. Unfortunately, not everyone can have the strive or motivation to better their self, instead I felt the need to provide it to those with the motivation that they themselves may not come into contact with.

During my undergraduate term I decided to volunteer at Community First Hospital in outpatient surgery. My main duty as a volunteer at this hospital was to provide proper psychosocial comfort to patients, stock medical materials, and transport patients. I could not stop myself from observing the staff-patient interactions during my experience there. The communication between nurses and doctors in providing professional care to patients interested me.  Knowing I could have a positive impact just as the medical staff did on these patients made me that much more motivated towards attending Physician Assistant school.  Only then did I realize that being in the health field was beyond a mere ‘helping others’ experience.

 

The experience that has impacted me the most was when I started as an EMT-B.  One of the best aspects of being an EMT was working with other medical professionals for one main purpose: patient advocacy and to provide pre-hospital care. Being an EMT-B, I observed a broad-spectrum of what occurs during pre-hospital care and post hospital rehabilitation. These experiences were priceless as I not only built relationships with my partners but now I was the one impacting patients. The gratification and appreciation that I received was comforting and allowed me to love my job a lot more. Waking up for work is always a mystery but that is what makes it preeminent. The job motivates me to learn much more, and become a Physician Assistant to be the medical professional that initiates the assessment in a hospital setting, and has the knowledge to provide a healthier life to patients.

 

A physician assistant’s responsibility is not to be the patients’ pill dispenser but rather be an advocate, educator, and health advisor*** as well. A physician assistant works not only amongst the doctor but also other medical personal in the premises in order to provide the best patient care. Leadership, kindness, teamwork, ambition, and confidence are all characteristics I acquired through the duration of my medical career. I understand there is rigorous coursework but I have disciplined myself to know that this is what I want to pursue. I want to put the same smile on a patient that was put on my face when I was a child entering the ER for the first time.

 

[flowerpower]

I think your intro is a little confusing. You mention loved ones helping you achieve your dreams but don't mention how. You also mention schooling being more important to you than your own health but don't elaborate. Sounds like you have an interesting story to share. I would maybe give some more details about having the flu, how you got better, and take out the rest. I do like how you connected your conclusion back to the intro though. 

 

also, you don't have to capitalize physician assistant .