Lola Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I tend to be an obsessive planner sometimes. Last night as I laid in bed planning/picturing my next 5 years of life I came across a situation (in my head of course) that I'm hoping to get some insight on. I start PA school this year and will be done in 2018. I will be 30 then. I hope to find a job soon after the PANCE of course. I have always figured that working for a few years before having kids would be a smart thing to do, both financially and for the sake of my job. However thinking about having my first kid in my mid 30s makes me question it a bit. Have any of you women gotten pregnant fairly early in your career? And if so, how has it affected your career? Do you think there is a downfall to getting pregnant the first year you get hired? Thoughts? Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted May 23, 2016 Administrator Share Posted May 23, 2016 Worth a read: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-m-clark-md/the-business-of-delayed-child-bearing-in-the-career-woman_b_9684224.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lola Posted May 23, 2016 Author Share Posted May 23, 2016 Worth a read: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shannon-m-clark-md/the-business-of-delayed-child-bearing-in-the-career-woman_b_9684224.html Thank you for the link. It definitely supports my thought process pretty accurately. Definitely food for thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
charlottew Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I had my kids pretty soon after starting my first real job (and I was also Not Young, having dithered in my 20's). It was stressful juggling being a new mom and working a fairly intense job. We managed; we found help, my job was somewhat flexible. It actually didn't affect my career trajectory much (though of note I was not a PA at that time). But some jobs, it is true, are harder when you are a mother to small children. I work mixed shifts now, and I see the young moms are having a heckuva time balancing their schedules. At least when my kids were small, I worked days.. I wouldn't over-think things too much. People always manage to find a way. If you think you want to have kids, you should just go ahead without worrying too much about how all the details will work out. Because they will work themselves out. And you will learn an immense amount from the experience of having and raising kids, which will enrich your life greatly. My 2 cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdenning Posted May 23, 2016 Share Posted May 23, 2016 I am a mom of 3 boys and I work a 0.9 FTE position. I'm extremely fortunate that the group I work for lets me work from home 1 day per week. We have a unique arrangement that allows me to do that and I doubt it would exist elsewhere. My life is a constant juggle. I have lots of days that I feel like I should be around more for my kids and other days I feel I'm not at work enough. I managed PA school with a toddler, then started my job when I was pregnant with second child, and then had another while still at the same job. I do long clinic days (10 hrs) 3 days per week. The thing that made it work for me was that I worked my tail off full time when I first started. Prove you can handle a load. Doing this will pay dividends for when you want to ask to work part time because you're already considered valuable. This worked well for me but I'm in an all outpatient/no call practice. It may not work in other types of practice. A lot of PA jobs are "full time or no time" so there may or may not be any negotiating room if you're applying for jobs WHEN you're pregnant. A few things to consider while pregnant. One is what you might expose your unborn child too (radiation, toxin exposures etc) and how you are during pregnancy. If you're struggling with morning sickness it's pretty hard to get to a job where you're rounding at 6 am. Plus you're tired. Lots to think about. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator ventana Posted May 23, 2016 Moderator Share Posted May 23, 2016 I am a dad, of a young one, and I am not young.... So I can't comment on pregnancy, but have lived he parent of a youngen the last 3 years.... While being a practice owner (talk abut stress) PA allows a good bit of flexibility, as long as you find the job that will support it. Some jobs are down right brutal, others are much better. honestly in my area, getting a job with the big hospital system gives amazing benefits, and with that comes a lot of vacation and sick/personal time. My wife stays home (might change soon) so it is less important to have ultimate flexibility for me - and might be something you consider (one of the the parents stays home - or a lessened work schedule for both so they fit together) It is doable, even in my mid 40's but I do wish I had done it in I my mid 30's instead.......... Honestly, the best job I have seen for flexibility is a job rounding in the nursing homes. Pay is pretty great, and flexibility is huge. Hope I didn't hijack a female thread, but I have lived it for the last 3 years..... Just two night ago was a tough night with little sleep due to an upset tummy in my son.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
electric130 Posted May 24, 2016 Share Posted May 24, 2016 I don't think there is a right or wrong decision here, just what will cause less stress and will be best for your family. I am 10 years out from having my first child so I can give you my experience. I graduated from PA school at 26 and was married that same year. We decided to wait three years before having our first child. This is a bit of a different situation since I was only 29, but those few years were important ones in my career. Could I have done them with children? Absolutely, although I did some moonlighting that expanded my knowledge and I probably would not have been able to do that. It also would have added an extra layer of stress, when I was just finding my footing as a PA. Your first year or two you are really focused on building your skills and becoming comfortable as a practitioner, I really enjoyed my early career, but it can be stressful. You also are not adding much to the practice so negotiating time off or a reduced schedule is not ideal, although still may work out. I was at the point after three years that I was an asset to the practice and I was able to negotiate working three 8 hour days per week. You are much more in a position of negotiation at that point. That is the schedule I have worked for 10 years now. I completely understand not wanting to put off having children until later, I think there would be a middle ground for you, such as working for a year before getting pregnant just to have that time to adjust to a new career. I absolutely adore my children but it is a major change in lifestyle, sleep is irregular, new daycare costs, and then the pull of work and feeling like you want to be there for your child. It is all worth it but I think trying to avoid multiple major changes at once is best for your sanity if possible, and as a PA the more experience you have and productive you are the more likely you can negotiate a better schedule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tunafish Posted May 25, 2016 Share Posted May 25, 2016 There is never a "good time" to have a kid. Having a solid partner to have one with is more important. If you do have one of those in your life just go for it... that too shall pass. In our class of 30, three students started with newborns (two moms and one dad), five students were having kids year two (3 students being actually pregnant and 2 guys with pregnant wives). If you are working it is even easier since you are making a paycheck. Signed: father of two with one on a way... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lola Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 There is never a "good time" to have a kid. Having a solid partner to have one with is more important. If you do have one of those in your life just go for it... that too shall pass. In our class of 30, three students started with newborns (two moms and one dad), five students were having kids year two (3 students being actually pregnant and 2 guys with pregnant wives). If you are working it is even easier since you are making a paycheck. Signed: father of two with one on a way... Thank you! And the older I get the more I agree that there is never a "good time" to have kids, but I do think there are better times than others. I'm definitely aiming at not getting pregnant during school! And luckily I do have a good husband by my side. We've been together a total of 6 years and is extremely supportive. I could go on, but that's for a different board! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lola Posted May 25, 2016 Author Share Posted May 25, 2016 Thank you everyone for your insight! I love hearing all of the different experiences that we go through when deciding to ha e a family and a good career [emoji1303] Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Statko Posted July 9, 2016 Share Posted July 9, 2016 Hi Lola, I was very much like you 7 years ago. :) Here's what I've learned: There is no such thing as work / life balance. It isn't something that you somehow stumble upon, it is achieved by making choices. Unfortunately, having kids isn't something you can plan or force. Especially once you're in your 30's. Even if you're perfectly healthy. We were on top of the world when we found out we were pregnant like the second month we were trying. AND - we were expecting twins! I worked with minimal interruptions to my ER schedule during my pregnancy until I went into pre-term labor and lost them both at 20 weeks. We went through the grief, the healing (emotional and physical), and a year later -- guess what, couldn't get pregnant again. Then we found ourselves in the maddening, stressful, emotional process of seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, doing treatments, etc. I'm now 37 weeks pregnant. I now work in a totally different specialty (low stress, regular hours, no call, yes - less pay) and can tell you I would have turned up my nose at doing occ health when I was in PA school. I was too high speed, career-focused, I loved the rush and pace of the ER. But losing babies, and realizing what a precious gift it is to have children, made me (us) seriously re-evaluate what we were doing. I've had a great pregnancy and am very happy with my "boring" job and healthy baby. I think about my mom and her generation -- the "feminist" generation -- who strove for us to be able to work, have kids, do it all, be SuperMoms. And somehow, if you're not doing it all, you're not succeeding. I worked my butt off in my 20s to get the grades, prove myself in PA school, hustle at work, and find myself now almost 35 wondering if I would make the same choices over again. I'm pretty jealous of my girlfriends who have 1/3 of the student loan debt I do, work a professional part-time job, and spend a lot of time with their kids at home. Last word of advice - choose your spouse carefully. Choose a spouse who supports whatever you want to do when you have kids. You want to stay home full time? He's on board (and can support the family). You want to work part time? No problem, he'll help find a nanny or daycare. You want to work full time? He's into that, too. If I've done anything right in my life, it's picking the right husband. :) Best of luck to you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lola Posted July 10, 2016 Author Share Posted July 10, 2016 Hi Lola, I was very much like you 7 years ago. :) Here's what I've learned: There is no such thing as work / life balance. It isn't something that you somehow stumble upon, it is achieved by making choices. Unfortunately, having kids isn't something you can plan or force. Especially once you're in your 30's. Even if you're perfectly healthy. We were on top of the world when we found out we were pregnant like the second month we were trying. AND - we were expecting twins! I worked with minimal interruptions to my ER schedule during my pregnancy until I went into pre-term labor and lost them both at 20 weeks. We went through the grief, the healing (emotional and physical), and a year later -- guess what, couldn't get pregnant again. Then we found ourselves in the maddening, stressful, emotional process of seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, doing treatments, etc. I'm now 37 weeks pregnant. I now work in a totally different specialty (low stress, regular hours, no call, yes - less pay) and can tell you I would have turned up my nose at doing occ health when I was in PA school. I was too high speed, career-focused, I loved the rush and pace of the ER. But losing babies, and realizing what a precious gift it is to have children, made me (us) seriously re-evaluate what we were doing. I've had a great pregnancy and am very happy with my "boring" job and healthy baby. I think about my mom and her generation -- the "feminist" generation -- who strove for us to be able to work, have kids, do it all, be SuperMoms. And somehow, if you're not doing it all, you're not succeeding. I worked my butt off in my 20s to get the grades, prove myself in PA school, hustle at work, and find myself now almost 35 wondering if I would make the same choices over again. I'm pretty jealous of my girlfriends who have 1/3 of the student loan debt I do, work a professional part-time job, and spend a lot of time with their kids at home. Last word of advice - choose your spouse carefully. Choose a spouse who supports whatever you want to do when you have kids. You want to stay home full time? He's on board (and can support the family). You want to work part time? No problem, he'll help find a nanny or daycare. You want to work full time? He's into that, too. If I've done anything right in my life, it's picking the right husband. :) Best of luck to you... Thank you so much for your input and sharing your experience. I am so sorry to hear about all that you've been through but am so happy to also hear how you've succeeded through it. It is a lot to consider and think about. And to be quite honest it's scary. I just feel that no matter how much planning I do life always has its way of doing its own thing regardless. I'm hoping to always keep my overall life and family goals in mind and not solely thinking of my career and money. Hopefully once PA school is said and done I could find a job that compliments my mindset. All I can do is wait and see and just let life take its course. I do have an amazing husband luckily who is extremely supportive. Hoping nothing changes there once school kicks in. But so far I think I've done a great job in that department too. [emoji5] Wishing you the best for your last couple weeks of pregnancy and good luck on your next journey of becoming a mom! Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Poetsiren Posted July 21, 2016 Share Posted July 21, 2016 ................ There is no such thing as work / life balance. It isn't something that you somehow stumble upon, it is achieved by making choices. .......... I'm now 37 weeks pregnant. I now work in a totally different specialty (low stress, regular hours, no call, yes - less pay) and can tell you I would have turned up my nose at doing occ health when I was in PA school. I was too high speed, career-focused, I loved the rush and pace of the ER. But losing babies, and realizing what a precious gift it is to have children, made me (us) seriously re-evaluate what we were doing. I've had a great pregnancy and am very happy with my "boring" job and healthy baby. I think about my mom and her generation -- the "feminist" generation -- who strove for us to be able to work, have kids, do it all, be SuperMoms. And somehow, if you're not doing it all, you're not succeeding. I worked my butt off in my 20s to get the grades, prove myself in PA school, hustle at work, and find myself now almost 35 wondering if I would make the same choices over again. I'm pretty jealous of my girlfriends who have 1/3 of the student loan debt I do, work a professional part-time job, and spend a lot of time with their kids at home. Last word of advice - choose your spouse carefully. Choose a spouse who supports whatever you want to do when you have kids. You want to stay home full time? He's on board (and can support the family). You want to work part time? No problem, he'll help find a nanny or daycare. You want to work full time? He's into that, too. If I've done anything right in my life, it's picking the right husband. :) I agree with Statko!! And, although I bet that Rev Ronin didn't mean to push a "FREEZE YOUR EGGS" post to us older women, lol, I see where he's coming from...... The women in my family may have started out ambitious - great gma was a nurse, gma worked for Phillip Morris in administration in her younger years, other gma ran my gpa's construction company, mom was a teacher - but once it came time for the kiddos they were ALL stay-at-home moms. That was the expectation in my family. Dad worked, mom reared the kids and maybe did some odd jobs, but kept the house in order. There is nothing wrong with that, and I admire them. But I have never EVER been the homemaker type. I always wanted to work in medicine, have always been career oriented, and since high school I was always worrying about what would happen to me when it came to settle down and have kids.... would husband want me to stay at home and him be the breadwinner? Would we take shifts? It stressed me out too much to worry about it, so I just decided to live my life and worry about it when it came time to actually think about it. I planned on getting married by 25, finish med school, kids by 30.... that was the plan. Illness, family responsibilities, etc - LIFE happens.... and it doesn't work that way. Sometimes you don't PLAN on having kids later, it just happens. All of the appointments in the world would not have prepared me to have been as late as I am on the motherhood train! I DID get married AT 25, but med schools and PA schools weren't looking at me despite trying a few times; extracurriculars were crap due to illnesses, so I finally told long-time fiancee it was time to tie the knot, (romantic? LOL!) because "I'm tired of putting my life on hold for med school." But we were walking into a Home Depot to get a shower-head attachment before we got engaged and we were having the "will we want kids?" talk. Without me even saying that I had planned on KEEPING a career and was worried about his expectations, he said to me, "Well, I always wanted to stay at home and raise my kids." I stopped in the middle of the street in front of the Home Depot and gave him a great, big kiss!!!! (We got honked at.) I said I wanted to go to school to practice medicine - he supported me when I took extra prereqs after work (because work+school always look good for "extracurriculars"). My dad lost his job and was going to lose the farm - we gave up our apartment and moved in with my parents and sibling and supported THEM. Out of 2 schools I interviewed at, I preferred the one a state away - I moved, he stayed home and kept his job and insurance, and we saw each other every 2 months for the duration of PA school. I don't have a job right now while I'm looking - he got a better one to help support us....... Choose your partner wisely. As for getting pregnant at your first job.... read this, it's more what you're looking for anyhow.... http://www.cosmopolitan.com/career/a37970/getting-a-new-job-while-pregnant/ CAN I have kids? We shall see. I hope so. There are still plenty of options - adoption, surrogacy, IVF and fertility treatments. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.