Guest JohnT Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time to review my essay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cking8 Posted May 17, 2016 Share Posted May 17, 2016 I like your conclusion with the anecdote about the female patient, I think that's great. In your intro, I found this sentence a little awkward: "Whether I had broken my leg, contracted the flu, or was merely due for a routine vaccination, the feeling of uncertainty and concern sitting on the cold examination table was almost surely present." I think the "merely due" and "almost surely" sounded a bit strange. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kat24 Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 I agree with cking8 that the sentence in your intro is a little on the awkward side. I noticed that you used "enamored" a couple of times so you might want to replace one of them with a synonym. You do a great job addressing why you are interested being a PA! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paproof Posted May 18, 2016 Share Posted May 18, 2016 You could attempt to make your interest a little more engaging so you don't lose the reader within the first few lines. You've got a unique perspective having an uncle who is an experienced PA. I'd consider using this to your advantage and discuss those specific aspects about the PA profession that interest you to prove you learned something from having such a valuable resource close at hand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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