PA-Student Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Hello Everyone. This forum has been extremely helpful for me throughout the years. I currently have a predicament and am looking for some advice. My girlfriend (soon to be fiancé) and I have been together for 4 years now and moved together from one state to complete our undergraduate in another state. We are very low income, first generation college students, and are each other’s support system in every sense of the word. We both look to pursue the PA profession and applied this cycle to see where we stand with other applicants. Luckily, we both got into multiple programs. However, now the decision is between attending programs 12 hours away from each other with no support around us, or taking a year or two off to help one another through. For those of you who have already completed or are currently going through PA school, was it essential to have a loved one with you? Did you get through by yourself, or was it too stressful? I worry that we will be distracted by each other’s absence if we do it separate. Most programs say that they have all types of students get through, but I just haven’t heard of two students completing PA programs fully separate from each other? I am pretty young (22), so I believe that if I take a year off, I should be able to get back in. But am not confident that this is the right choice for our future together…Also, any advice or relevant stories will help! I just need more perspectives from others, for there may be a solution I’m not thinking of. Thank you!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UGoLong Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Tough one! We had students who were separated from their significant others. Some of the relationships lasted and others didn't. I was just a few hours from home and my wife stayed behind. we talked every day and I went home -- or she visited me -- on most weekends. In the end, it's a personal decision. Don't let anyone else make it for you. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunnyn Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Are there any tips/tricks to make relationships last while attending school, undergoing training, working far away for long periods of time? Would be great to hear something that worked for others. Many thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreatChecko Posted February 7, 2016 Share Posted February 7, 2016 Understanding, honesty, communication, and patience will be key with whatever you do. I met my now fiance when I was in PA school and was either driving 2-4 hours one way to go on dates or flying 2 hours away when she was transferred for work. The effort was worth it to both of us. I don't think there was just one thing that made it work, but we did. There were many nights when I had to study and we quite literally spent time on the phone with each other, talking occasionally. Talk about those exact moments before you start, the inevitable tough times in school, how you intend on dealing with it, and be honest with each other. What's most important, that you both finish at the same time? That you both stay together? That you both become PAs at some point? All things to talk over. It can be done and I'm sure it has been done. It just won't be easy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted February 7, 2016 Administrator Share Posted February 7, 2016 My girlfriend (soon to be fiancé) and I Unless she's in for some major surgery, your girlfriend will become your fiancée. You will then become her fiancé. As far as the rest, my advice is always to plan for both what you want to happen, and plan for her changing her mind. One or the other will happen, and in medicine, planning for negative eventualities we don't want to see happen is bread and butter decision making. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HoundsfieldHero Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I waited because of a relationship and it ended in disaster. If I could go back and change my decision, I would without hesitation. What is more important to you, your relationship, or your future career as a PA? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA-Student Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Does it really just come down to my relationship versus my career? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Administrator rev ronin Posted February 8, 2016 Administrator Share Posted February 8, 2016 Does it really just come down to my relationship versus my career? Maybe. You can certainly try and keep both, but you may have to choose, if push comes to shove, which one you will stick with. Saying "relationship" instead of "career" isn't a bad thing. It's why my wife and I decided I would go to PA school instead of medical school. But there's certainly no guarantee you can keep both, although I have seen people try to keep both and not decide... and end up losing both. :-S Don't let that be you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunnyn Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 And if say someone wants or has kids....how does one factor all of this in? Is it tougher? Do we ask help from relatives? Hire a nanny to help the spouse/fiance/girlfriend? Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UGoLong Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Rationally, I don't believe deciding to have children DURING PA school is all that wise a move. I'm sure people have done it, but it is such an important time of your life to bound with a new human and you'll be studying instead. My kids were grown when I went to PA school. No one in my class had kids -- not counting my first grandchild, who was born when I was there. I mentored a woman who later went to PA school and had small children. They stayed back with her family, I believe. As with everything else, make your own decision based on you, your significant other, and your resources. If you can, don't try to "have it all" during school; it's a tough full-time job. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PJ82 Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Planning and communication! I am not in PA school yet, however I have been in the military for 16 years. I have friends who have only seen there kids on Skype, I have friends who have spent 4 years total in Afghanistan total with a wife and kid at home. If you have a solid base and keep the communication open you will have good days and bad. I honestly feel people give up on relationships way to easily. People stayed together during WW2 when they didnt't hear from their husbands for months, or received one letter over that time. Its 2016, you have the ability to communicate anytime anywhere with your girlfriend. Becoming a PA is the priority for the both of you. The best thing you can do is go in understanding that things change over time and there is nothing you can do about it. I have learned to go with the flow, I put what I can into my relationship and we talk every time we have an issue, we don't go to bed angry, but we also do not let it affect our work. If we are busy with work and we are having issues, we shelve our issues until work is done, then readdress. Planning and communication! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MT2PA Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Personally I think you should take the opportunity to both go NOW and be separate. You may think that being apart is hard, but consider that if one of you puts school on hold, you may not be any less lonely. A student can spend all day in class, many hours outside of class studying, and you may not have time for your SO as much as you used to. It's stressful and time consuming and sometimes it's better to be able to be selfish with your time without worrying that you must make time for someone else to keep them happy. If you both are in school you will both be so busy with similar things you will understand where you each are coming from when you say that you have a big test coming up and need to focus. You can schedule phone/skype time together that works for both of your schedules without feeling like one person is always wanting more attention. I'd consider the fact that you both got in this year as a good thing. You can both focus on school and then when you are done no one's feelings are hurt about putting their career on hold. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunnyn Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 Many a times it is said that long distance relationships....don't often work. Also, to complicate matters, if someone has children and they have to either go for schooling or do some training....what can be done in a situation to make sure the spouse (remains busy, has all the help they need) not have a void in their lives. What can be done to ensure that the children will not be subject to any bad influences? And that they study, make the right friends? Can having help from family? friends? in anyway help with all this? Anyone have any experience doing anything like this? Any comments, suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GreyhoundGirl Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 I haven't started PA school yet, but I did a year of long-distance with my then-boyfriend, now-husband. It was tough but it worked out. You have to put the effort in and know that sometimes it will suck. I wouldn't wait if I were you, because what if you don't get in again? Or, you don't get in to the school you wanted, or by that time they're already at their job in a different city. I would just make it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
radtash Posted February 10, 2016 Share Posted February 10, 2016 If you are both accepted, you both should go. Admissions are getting more competitive by the year. Also, you guys are so young (assuming you are the same age). I was engaged at 21, and am now happily married to someone else (as of my later 20s). If it's meant to be, it will be. This economy is tough and you both need to be able to support yourselves whether you are together or not. Or maybe one of you can defer? Who knows. HTH Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PA-Student Posted February 11, 2016 Author Share Posted February 11, 2016 This is all great advice. Thanks everyone! If anyone has more tips and tricks, that would help! This blog has a lot of views, so people are really tuning in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LPZ Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I think you both should go to school. Many people leave their support systems at home. You will find new people in your program to lean on. With technology today, you can communicate with your SO in any number of ways. I don't generally think it is a good idea to throw away great opportunities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nlbs Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 You've got some really exciting things going on in life right now! Congratulations! It is a very personal decision, and I actually turned down a program without another set acceptance to stay closer to my husband - that being said, he is also military, so we already spend months and months apart at times, during deployments. One will occur when I am in school (I eventually got accepted to my choice program), too. It is definitely a different situation, but my point is that you can make long distance work regardless of your situations. Technology is awesome, and you truly just figure it out, taking it one day at a time. It isn't fun or easy, but if your relationship is a priority in your life - and it sounds like it is! - you can absolutely make it work! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FamousAmos Posted February 6, 2017 Share Posted February 6, 2017 I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years now also, and we've been long distance for the majority of that relationship. Now that I will be starting PA school, we've signed on for 2-ish more years of distance. We're very supportive of each other so this has not been a problem. He has been in dental school for almost 3 years, and I've learned dating someone while they're in a strenuous graduate program isn't easy, especially on top of the distance. It's not for everyone, but when you're both committed and willing to work with it, it's certainly possible. My suggestion is to both go to school now. Not only would you avoid the work and expense of having to apply/interview again, but you'd be out on the job market earlier. You will both be crazy busy, but because you're in the same situation you will each be able to understand the stress that your significant other is under which will hopefully make things go more smoothly. Best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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