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PA school Personal Statement. Feedback please!


Guest chornbro

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Guest chornbro

Hello guys! 

 

I wrote my first draft of my personal statement today and I am in need of some feedback! Please feel free to rip it to shreds if it needs it! I know I need some grammar checking to match my tenses. Anything and everything is appreciated. As many eyes that can see it! I will return the favor gladly too! Well here goes  nothing!! (side note I am 23 years old with BS in human bio and by the time of application 2 years (approx 4,000 hrs) of ER tech experience among other things!) ill give you any stats about me if you ask!

 

 

 

I hold my shaking gloved hands together and anxiously wait with six other staff members. I hear a nurse call to the physician assistant and physician: “Full traumatic arrest two minutes out.” Whispers tell me a semi truck flipped, partially ejecting the driver and he was on his way to this ER now. A million thoughts racing through my head: What if I faint… or cry... or both. Five minutes into my first EMT clinical I was about to find out if I was pursuing the right career.

 

Like a magnet, I was constantly drawn to the medical field and knew I would somehow be apart of it. When I was five I proudly said that I was going to be a radiologist because I was so fascinated by the X-ray imaging.  It was not until my junior year of high school that I heard about the PA profession while conversing with my counselor. Team collaboration, the flexibility of specialty changes, and the medical model that the PA education follows peaked my interest. I always viewed disease progression as a puzzle beckoning to be solved and PA seemed to embody everything I loved about medicine.

 

Soon after speaking with my counselor, I began volunteering weekly in the Women’s Unit at my local hospital. I assisted mothers post labor, tended to their babies, and assisted women who had hysterectomies. Here I saw the wide spectrum of people cared for in this field; some of these patients on the happiest day of their lives, and others post cancer removal or the loss of a child. Being a positive presence in these patient’s lives motivated me to plunge into PA preparation headfirst.

 

I went on to pursue a degree in Human Biology at University of California, San Diego. Though my confidence wavered when my grades dipped, I reevaluated my study habits and work-life balance and was able to better manage time with sick family and still graduate a year early. While obtaining my degree I performed mitochondrial disease medical research and later earned a paid research intern position at Glendale Adventist Hospital that helped me hone my patient history taking and interview skills.  I loved listening to the patient’s stories of trials and resilience and wanted to be more involved in their care rather than just recording it.

 

The search for a more direct role in patient care is what brought me to the EMT program. But until that first EMT clinical, knowing if I was cut out to be a PA was an abstract thought. I felt confident in the knowledge aspect, but would I be able to handle the pressure of thinking on my feet? Understanding the molecular process of a heart attack and knowing what to do when someone presented with one are two very different things.

 

The sound of the ambulance pulling into the bay snapped me back into the present. The doors fly open and one medic is doing CPR while the other is pushing the gurney. With one quick pull we transfer the patient to our gurney and I immediately take over CPR. I push hard and fast feeling the recoil of the patients belly and think how the perfectly chiseled mannequins that I practiced on were a great misrepresentation.  I see the pulse oximeter reading follow a perfect waveform that motivates me to keep going past my cramping muscles. Two chest tubes are placed and as air and blood are drained I feel the thump of his heart beating under my hands, faintly at first, but with increasing strength and resilience each second. Once the patient is rolled up to surgery, the PA gives me a slap on the back and says with a wink “ Have you done this before?! I think she’s ready to take my job now, guys.”  I laughed, my hands still shaking from the adrenaline of feeling someone come back to life under my fingertips. I left that night with a huge smile on my face and the knowledge that I helped to save this man’s life and was apart of a team that makes a living serving others.

 

Five minutes in to my first EMT clinical, I knew I was made to pursue Physician Assistant as my career.  Now with over two years of ER tech experience at both medical and trauma centers, I can say with conviction that I will do whatever it takes to be a PA part of a collaborative medical team. 

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  • I think you should combine your first paragraph with your 2nd to last paragraph where you talk about your experience with the ER.

Also, expand your thought about being an EMT, like working in a team environment, care coordination, etc.

Have you shadowed or worked personally with a PA? maybe expand your experience working or shadowing them.

"show, not tell"... be more descriptive

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Guest chornbro

jtran468, 

 

Thanks for the feedback! I wasn't sure about the paragraph flow either so its nice to know you vote for the anecdotal part to be lumped together. I agree about adding more to the EMT portion too.  To answer your question, I have shadowed some PA's. Do you think that the essay sounds too much like a regurgitation of my resume? I was trying to balance my experiences into an easy to breeze through essay. Luckily I have time to manipulate it more. I will take a look if you have an essay you posted as well! 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Excellent start! I love how you give a snap shot of your whole life leading up to now. I think it would benefit from adding why you want to be a PA specifically. It's clear that you want to be n the medical field, but not necessarily a PA. This could be achieved by adding things that an EMT can't do (such as diagnostics) and really selling that it's something you want.

 

If you have time, I'd greatly appreciate your opinion on my personal statement as well!

 

Thank you!

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  • 3 weeks later...

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