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I've been getting a fair amount of questions lately. Just to clarify: YES. I will help you with your personal statement. No need to ask!

 

No I wasn't an english major, and nor have I been on an ad comm or anything (hopefully I will be one day in the future). I am simply a PA-S with UNTHSC class of 2018 (woot!), and I have no problem reaching out to PA hopefuls and future colleagues. Plus I'm a total nerd and don't mind doing this type of thing.

 

Please note:

  • I will give honest criticism. It may come across as harsh or brutal, but my intention is not to insult anyone.
  • I will reply fairly quickly - within a few days, for sure. If it takes a while, don't be insulted. I might be stumped on what pointers to give you. Or swamped with personal statements? (I'm not sure how many of you are interested in my feedback.)
  • If you want me to read other drafts as you continue to make changes and get feedback, I can glance over those too.

You could post it on here if you're not shy, or just let me know if you've posted it already on the forum and I'll find it. Or if you prefer, you can PM me.

 

Oh, this is a limited time offer, btw!!! I start school on July 20th. So I'll probably only accept new edits until July 18th, so I can get them done before school starts.

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thank you so much for offering your services to the community, you're a saint! Here is my first draft of my essay, please be as critical as you can.

 

When I think of Strawberry Splash Bubblicious Gum, I smile and reminisce - bursts of sweet yet tangy flavor, the smooth and silky texture, and the shapes and sounds I created by stiffening my lips and curling my tongue. It always felt like Christmas morning opening the small treat that my grandpa happily gifted to me when I saw him, and it is the sweet taste of strawberry that reminds me of genuine, winsome happiness. That sweet taste slowly faded however, when my grandpa grew older and weaker. Although he cared for me when I was young, our roles eventually reversed and in college I cared for him as his aid in In-Home Support Services. It was my active involvement as his aid that galvanized me to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant. 

As my grandpa’s aid, I was responsible for his meal preparation, personal care services, and transportation to medical appointments. It was at his medical visits that I witnessed the autonomy, intellect, and genuine passion of the PAs that were caring for him which drew me to the profession. I discovered that it was a PA that had diagnosed my grandpa with a rare skin condition called bullous pemphigoid, and that the PA was monitoring his condition monthly. It was also an internal medicine PA named Kevin who was monitoring his severe renal disease, diabetes, and history of heart attack. I recall one visit in particular, when my grandpa blissfully thanked Kevin for his ability to make him feel comfortable at these visits and for making his injections nearly painless. Kevin’s compassion and ability to qualify my grandpa’s discomfort solidified my admiration for Kevin and the PA profession. I also found out that PAs cared for my great aunt who had stomach cancer, my aunt who had breast cancer, and even me when I sprained my finger, which made me appreciate the important role of a PA. I feel it is my time to give back to the people who have given so much to me and my family and become a PA.

In my past, I have prepared myself for the vigorous schooling that PA school requires and I have developed many skills that a PA necessitates. As a certified pharmacy technician I learned different medications and their uses which will help immensely me as prescriber, and as a researcher I analyzed data and assisted with MRI brain scans. As an aid I learned responsibility and most importantly, patience. I also learned self-discipline and dedication from attending a university as a full time student while maintaining a competitive GPA, being an active member of university clubs and organizations, and working two part-time jobs. 

Working towards my future as a PA, I began to shadow Kevin at his clinic and I was amazed. He had nearly the same level of medical acumen as the doctor, and proved the importance of teamwork and communication in healthcare. I saw in myself many of the qualities he exuded; he was meticulous, passionate, patient, kind, and a team player. He also expressed that he originally specialized in surgery but has since changed specialties, which is another appealing aspect of PA. As an academic who strives to never stop learning, the ability to change specialties will allow me to continuously grow a provider. Although I learned to give vaccinations and run EKG’s through shadowing, I felt my learning began to plateau and I craved more hands-on experience, I thus became a medical assistant.

Fascinated by my grandpa’s bullous pemphigoid, I have worked as a dermatology MA for nearly two years, and my interest in the field has only blossomed as I acquire more knowledge and responsibility. I initially began with simple tasks but early on, my superiors recognized my abilities which has lead me to my current position as assisting manager and head medical assistant at my dermatology office.  As head medical assistant, I scribe, send prescriptions, prepare for and assist in surgery, independently provide wound care and wound checks, numb patients with local anesthetic, and more. I am constantly multitasking and have shown that I am capable of an extremely demanding schedule. The best part of being an MA for me, however, was the strong relationships I have made with the patients, particularly one named Ira. Ira shares a more severe case of the same rare condition my grandpa had, and often visits the clinic to monitor his medication and his strong history of skin cancer. One day, while he was being seen for a skin biopsy by the doctor and another medical assistant, I was pulled into the room and through the cold touch of his hand, he spoke the heartwarming words: “Sara can you please numb me? It doesn’t hurt when you do it.” Through his words, I was overwhelmed with intense happiness and gratification, and although my grandpa has passed, the sweet taste of strawberry splash had finally returned to me. It is rare for people to say that they genuinely know what they are put on earth to do, but I am confident and determined to become a physician assistant and I am more than ready for the challenge.

 

 

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Could you, please, give some advise about essay writing? Because i applied 2 times and failed. The first time i have written an essay by myself, the second time i've decided to buy an essay on the service which helps me write my essay xat previously, so i was sure they'll a good job, but i've failed again.

 

If you're looking for general advice, in the personal statements forum there is topic pinned to the top called "Personal Statement Advice from Ask a PA Admissions Director"

 

Here's what I did for my PS:

1. Researched lot of PS. read many on the forum, looked in reference books at the library, etc. I was looking for inspiration, what styles I liked, and what I thought made a successful PS.

2. Go to this website! http://www.mcw.edu/Medical-School/Current-Students/Academic-Support-Services/Sample-Personal-Statements.htm

It has some really great PS (#13 has my fav intro)

3. I quickly wrote down my story and what I wanted to convey. I edited relentlessly and 14 drafts later I submitted my CASPA app in June.

 

I don't know what your situation is specifically. Are you applying to late? Are you applying to enough schools? Have you gotten feedback from the programs that rejected you - they will give you details as to why you were rejected and how you can strengthen your application for next time.

 

Also, I recommend since this is your 3rd go round, your PS should probably touch upon rejection: how you handled it, how you over came it, and how you are a better applicant this time than your were those last 2 times.

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Guest kneecoal16

I just posted mine under First Draft- all feedback welcome! 

 

Thank you for your advice in advance. I could use as much help as possible!

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I am ready for all criticism ! Thank you for taking the time out to read this...

 

As I walked anxiously down the hall next to the Physician Assistant and fellow members of her critical care team, I anticipated the conversation I knew I was about to endure. Similar to many patients in an Intensive Care Unit, the patient under their care was unresponsive with no brain activity. Listening to the physician discuss the next plan of action, and hearing the conversation of organ donation, brought back an endless amount of devastating memories. I too, was once on the other side, sitting in that same ICU waiting room with my family praying for a miracle.

To me, the month of November means spending time with loved ones and being thankful for all the good in life. However, November of my senior year, my older brother was involved in a severe automobile accident that left him unresponsive in a coma. Everyday for weeks, we would go to the hospital hoping to hear any bit of positive news that would indicate he would soon wake up. I sat next to him for hours, days on end; listening to the variety of sounds the different machines made. Specifically, the wheezing sound of air from the respiratory machine and the beeps of the EEG machine. While he laid there lifeless in a coma with an octopus of tubes circulating his head and wires from his chest, speaking to him was the only thing that put me at ease. During my time spent with him, all I could wonder was, “Is he in pain? Can he hear me? Why did this happen to you?” Even though I knew he was in a coma, little gestures such as his eyelashes moving or fingers twitching gave me hope that he would soon wake up and I would finally have my brother back.

In those days spent in the ICU, numerous questions came to my mind. Various members of the critical care team never hesitated to answer me in a way that I could understand, which was comforting to my family and I. Although I was surrounded by an immense support system during this time, interactions with these medical professionals left an imprint on my life. Time passed and sadly my brother had made no significant improvement. Eventually, the time came when the critical care team spoke to my family about his options. Hearing the reality of my brother’s condition, left my parents to make a decision that is every parent’s greatest fear. My brother was taken off of life support, we said our goodbyes and he finally looked at peace.

In high school, most teenagers go about their everyday lives wrapped up in their own world, clueless, vulnerable, and having so much more to learn in life. Each time a family member, friend, classmate, or anyone would ask me, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I stood there scratching my head with uncertainty, although I was leaning towards the medical field. This question crossed my mind countless times as the years in high school flew by, but not once did I ever think I would have to ask myself “What would you do if you were never able to see your brother again?” The sudden passing of my brother left me devastated, distraught, and impacted every aspect of life .

My desire to pursue a career in the medical field quickly changed after his tragic death, causing me to lose interest in studying medicine in college. Although my life has never been the same, there was at least one positive outcome from this traumatic event. My brother had made the choice long before the accident to be an organ donor. Through him, my family and I became involved with The Gift of Life Donor Program. By meeting transplant recipients and seeing how grateful they were, helped rekindle my passion for medicine and desire to help others. One man received my brother’s eyes, and having gone from years of blindness to finally experiencing vision was enough to make me believe in the gift of life and regain faith in medicine.

Shadowing a trauma/critical care PA at St. Luke’s Hospital has also revitalized this passion. Witnessing her role as a PA, as well as a consoler, providing essential patient care and empathy towards families made me realize that being a PA is my true calling and passion. Having experienced what it is like to be the family on the other side, I know I possess the compassion and dedication to be in such a position to intensively care for patients. It would give me great satisfaction to know I have the power to make such an impact on patients’ lives and comfort families, the same way that I was once comforted. Additionally, the versatility available within this career is appealing to me, because it will allow me to continuously further my education. Knowing I can switch specialities and work in various disciplines of medicine throughout any moment in my career is enticing. From prior experiences, I know clinical research and critical care greatly interest me. As my perception on life has altered over the years, I found tragedy became my new motivation but with my perseverance and determination, I am certain no matter how challenging it may be, becoming a physician assistant is the rewarding career I am meant to pursue.  

 

 

- at a lost for words on how to end this

- Does Physician Assistant need to be capitalized throughout ? or lower case

- do I answer the question / get my point across

- any gramatically issues seen?

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thank you so much for offering your services to the community, you're a saint! Here is my first draft of my essay, please be as critical as you can.

 

When I think of Strawberry Splash Bubblicious Gum, I smile and reminisce - bursts of sweet yet tangy flavor, the smooth and silky texture, and the shapes and sounds I created by stiffening my lips and curling my tongue. It always felt like Christmas morning opening the small treat that my grandpa happily gifted to me when I saw him, and it is the sweet taste of strawberry that reminds me of genuine, winsome happiness. That sweet taste slowly faded however, when my grandpa grew older and weaker. Although he cared for me when I was young, our roles eventually reversed and in college I cared for him as his aid in In-Home Support Services. It was my active involvement as his aid that galvanized me to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant. 

As my grandpa’s aid, I was responsible for his meal preparation, personal care services, and transportation to medical appointments. It was at his medical visits that I witnessed the autonomy, intellect, and genuine passion of the PAs that were caring for him which drew me to the profession. I discovered that it was a PA that had diagnosed my grandpa with a rare skin condition called bullous pemphigoid, and that the PA was monitoring his condition monthly. It was also an internal medicine PA named Kevin who was monitoring his severe renal disease, diabetes, and history of heart attack. I recall one visit in particular, when my grandpa blissfully thanked Kevin for his ability to make him feel comfortable at these visits and for making his injections nearly painless. Kevin’s compassion and ability to qualify my grandpa’s discomfort solidified my admiration for Kevin and the PA profession. I also found out that PAs cared for my great aunt who had stomach cancer, my aunt who had breast cancer, and even me when I sprained my finger, which made me appreciate the important role of a PA. (these come out of nowhere. just cut this sentence out. doesn't add much) I feel it is my time to give back to the people who have given so much to me and my family (my family and I) and become a PA. (also, let's change "a PA" to "his PA." it give the tone of true rapport built between them. people don't say "that's a healthcare provider that I go to," they say "that's my provider")

In my past, (this is a weak transistion) I have prepared myself for the vigorous schooling that PA school requires and I have developed many skills that a PA necessitates. As a certified pharmacy technician I learned different medications and their uses which will help immensely me as prescriber, and as a researcher I analyzed data and assisted with MRI brain scans. As an aid I learned responsibility and most importantly, patience. I also learned self-discipline and dedication from attending a university as a full time student while maintaining a competitive GPA, being an active member of university clubs and organizations, and working two part-time jobs. (this is great to be proud of your accomplishments/qualities, but let's take it one step further than merely reiterating your resume. how can you use these qualities and skills and transfer them to the pts. it's one thing to say, "I'm dedicated to student organizations, and I know I can bring that dedication to becoming a PA" vs "my unmatched didication will not only ensure that I can endure the rigours of a PA program, but I will also be fully committed to ensuring that my patients get proper care." do you see the difference?)

Working towards my future as a PA, I began to shadow Kevin at his clinic and I was amazed. He had nearly the same level of medical acumen as the doctor, and proved the importance of teamwork and communication in healthcare. I saw in myself many of the qualities he exuded; he was meticulous, passionate, patient, kind, and a team player. He also expressed that he originally specialized in surgery but has since changed specialties, which is another appealing aspect of PA. As an academic who strives to never stop learning, the ability to change specialties will allow me to continuously grow a provider. Although I learned to give vaccinations and run EKG’s through shadowing, I felt my learning began to plateau and I craved more hands-on experience, I thus became a medical assistant.

Fascinated by my grandpa’s bullous pemphigoid, I have worked as a dermatology MA for nearly two years, and my interest in the field has only blossomed as I acquire more knowledge and responsibility. I initially began with simple tasks but early on, my superiors recognized my abilities which has lead me to my current position as assisting manager and head medical assistant at my dermatology office.  As head medical assistant, I scribe, send prescriptions, prepare for and assist in surgery, independently provide wound care and wound checks, numb patients with local anesthetic, and more. I am constantly multitasking and have shown that I am capable of an extremely demanding schedule. The best part of being an MA for me, however, was the strong relationships I have made with the patients, particularly one named Ira. Ira shares a more severe case of the same rare condition my grandpa had, and often visits the clinic to monitor his medication and his strong history of skin cancer. One day, while he was being seen for a skin biopsy by the doctor and another medical assistant, I was pulled into the room and through the cold touch of his hand, he spoke the heartwarming words: “Sara can you please numb me? It doesn’t hurt when you do it.” Through his words, I was overwhelmed with intense happiness and gratification, and although my grandpa has passed, the sweet taste of strawberry splash had finally returned to me. It is rare for people to say that they genuinely know what they are put on earth to do, but I am confident and determined to become a physician assistant and I am more than ready for the challenge.

  • This is not a bad PS. There's good sentence variation, it flows fairly well, and no crazy grammar errors or anything.
  • That being said, it sounds... self-centered. And I know that sound silly because these statments are kinda like a cover letter, but I think if you really want to stand out, you have to go beyond the simple listing of qualities as to why you'd be good as a PA
  • Let's look past why you'd be good. Don't look into what you'd get out of it ( phrases like, "as a life long learner, becoming a PA would quench my thirst of knowledge!") and instead focus on what others would benefit from ("as a life long learner, I look forawrd to constantly being on point with the new research that's out there to be able to educate my patients about the latest advances in healthcare") see the difference? It's going from "here's-how-it-will-benefit-me" to "here's-how-it'll-benefit-me-and-how-all-my-patients-will-benefit-from-that-as-well."
  • Also, maybe touch on some other ideas if it's appropriate: what kind of PA do you want to be and why? how will you be an advocate for the profession? why would you be a good fit/what do you have to offer to your class of PA-S? what do you have to offer the community? just some ideas to think about that I think would really help hone in and focus your PS
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Hey, Lindsaybeth7! 

 

Topsy helped me a ton and is starting school tomorrow, so in case he/she can't get back to you lemme just pay it forward and offer my thoughts as I was reading your essay. 

 

When I set foot inside the oncology department, I wasn’t too sure about how I would like it. I’d been After watching medical documentaries and television shows for twelve years, and I had my heart set on surgery. But as a high school student Unfortunately, getting into the hospital’s internship program as a high school student was hard enough, and the operating room wasn’t an option. I learned so much In in my first week, I learned so much, but I was still unsure of whether or not oncology would should be something I would to pursue (This sentence seems unnecessary because you previously mentioned you had your heart set on surgery; I think it should be deleted if you need more room to write). I got to sit in on sat in on scheduled appointments with the radiation oncology department, shadowing both nurses and doctors. Towards the end of my first month there, Once I had the opportunity to talk with some patients in the waiting room, while they were waiting for their treatments And that’s when it. my trajectory in medicine changed. all changed for me (I think you should be more specific with the “it” that changed for you, so I reworded the sentence). There was something special about these patients, something I had never seen in other specialties areas of medicine (Can you really compare patients to other specialties? You haven’t mentioned your experience talking to patients in surgical specialties, which is what you were interested in at first).

 

Optimism. Hope. Courage. These people were determined to give their all, no matter how rough the road would get for them. They knew were informed of their statistics, of their odds of survival and of their grueling treatment plans.. They knew that the treatments were grueling, and Despite the inevitably tough road faced by them and their loved ones, they showed up to their appointments ready to fight as hard as they could to defy the odds given to them.  would not be easy for them or for their loved ones. But they showed up for their appointments, ready for what was being thrown their way. They understood what was going to happen, and how their lives would change. And they ready to fought as hard as they could to defy the odds that were given to them. (a lot of these statements were repetitive so I combined a few) These patients gave me hope and courage for my future, and I started to realize that if they could face something as utterly terrifying as cancer, I could face my biggest fears as well. In Throughout my six months that I spent as an intern interning in the oncology department and the years I returned there as a volunteer, I slowly but surely fell in love with the field of oncology. (From “….something I had never seen in other specialties…” to the end of this paragraph, I think the whole idea suggests that you wouldn’t care about patients with other types of medical/terminal conditions because you don’t think they have “optimism, hope, courage.” Maybe reword the transition.)

 

I had never considered really thought much about becoming a Physician Assistant (PA) until I had requested a job shadowing opportunity at a shadowed a local oncology practice. On the day that I arrived, (sorry I had to link it; immediately popped in my mind as I read that) instead of being greeted by the main physician at the practice, I met the PA that worked there. She greeted me, and Although I knew little about the PA profession, I learned a lot in that eight-hour day. I sat in on various procedures and appointments, all of which she performed and took care of without batting an eyelash. Meanwhile, the physician was in his office, writing out notes and making phone calls. It was then that I really discovered how much better suited I would be for a PA program rather than for medical school. (These last two sentences give me the impression that you think a doctor only ever sits in his office to write out notes and make phone calls. Maybe describe that you know that physicians can also provide patient care, except they spend MORE time in their office than PAs do.. or something like that. However, I’m not sure if that statement is even true for the PA profession).

 

Being a very hands-on person, I often thought I wanted to become an artist (this is a sudden topic to bring up. Also, I thought after 12 years of watching medical shows you had your heart set on surgery?) I loved the precision and execution of doing something on my own- but I also valued communicating with others. I loved helping people, but I could never see myself as a teacher (teacher? I thought we were talking about you wanting to be an artist). I loved lending a hand when needed, and especially loved to help people feel better. Which is why I ended up considering becoming a surgeon. (oh I see, we’re going through how you narrowed down your decision to become a PA.) The hands-on experience that I craved, coupled with my passion for helping people steered me in the direction of medicine. I still have a pretty intense interest in surgery, due to these reasons. However, while shadowing the PA, I realized that she performed in-office procedures, such as bone marrow biopsies, which fascinated me as well. (I think this whole paragraph can be deleted or at least redone with a better transition and also more in depth reasons why you switched from Artist à teacher à surgeon à PA; as it stands, it is not very convincing)

 

To help me prepare for becoming a PA, I obtained my certifications as both an Emergency Medcial Technician and a Certified Nursing Assistant. (Describing specifically how these jobs have helped you prepare for becoming a PA would be helpful - E.g. ability to adapt and work in stressful environments as an EMT, ability to handle patients delicately as a CNA) Most recently, I worked at a Girl Scout Summer Camp as their health director, taking care of both children and staff members who were sick or injured. I had to think quickly to address issues with both children and adults, and I had to make vital decisions on whether or not a health concern in a camper or staff member could be taken care of in our health center, or if further, specialized medical attention was necessary (see, these are good examples from your girl scout expereince.). I took vitals, and learned how to perform basic exams on patients who came in on the first day of camp. I also obtained Medication Administration Certification training, and I was authorized to give medications to children as directed. Working in this setting was both an amazing and rewarding experience. I also gained valuable leadership and critical thinking skills, as I had to make decisions fairly quickly and take initiative in all cases. It even gave me a newfound interest in both pediatrics and in primary care, in addition to my interest in surgery and oncology.

 

For someone like me, I believe that Becoming a PA is the right decision for me because of my passion for helping others, as well as my sincere interest in oncology, surgery, pediatrics and primary care. many different fields in medicine. I am a very hands-on person who enjoys working on her feet and solving puzzles and mysteries, especially when it comes to patients. I am also very good at following directions, and I respect figures of authority, which is an important aspect of being a PA (I am indifferent about mentioning these things as skills to highlight, because it doesn’t take much effort to follow directions or to respect figures of authority). I also crave the expansive options that PAs have once they graduate; I won’t ever be stuck in the specialty that I choose (being “stuck” in a specialty has a very negative tone that contrasts with your interest in specific fields that you elaborated on earlier, so I would take it out and replace it with this last sentence, which has a more positive spin on it) I’ll have the freedom to explore my varied interests and put my skills to good use.

 

I understand the sacrifices that I will have to make for my career, but there is nothing in the world I would rather do. I am a firm believer in the quote, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” And that is my goal.

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Woo! Thanks Toasty for paying it forward!

I agree with lots of the comments that Toasty made. I will merely add on the existing edits

 

 

When I set foot inside the oncology department, I wasn’t too sure about how I would like it. I’d been After watching medical documentaries and television shows for twelve years, and I had my heart set on surgery (I think I might lik this second sentence as an opener better than your first. That being said, I dunno how good of an idea it is to start off with that whole, cuz I liked it on tv it influenced my career. I mean, if that were the case I'd be back in the 50s inspired by the Mad Men bunch. I mean, on an interview if they ask why are you drawn to medicine, will you say tv shows and documenaries?? Just food for thought). But as a high school student Unfortunately, getting into the hospital’s internship program as a high school student was hard (challenging? competitive, perhaps?) enough, and the operating room wasn’t an option. I learned so much In in my first week, I learned so much, but I was still unsure of whether or not oncology would should be something I would to pursue (This sentence seems unnecessary because you previously mentioned you had your heart set on surgery; I think it should be deleted if you need more room to write). I got to sit in on sat in on scheduled appointments with the radiation oncology department, shadowing both nurses and doctors. Towards the end of my first month there, Once I had the opportunity to talk with some patients in the waiting room, while they were waiting for their treatments And that’s when it. my trajectory in medicine changed. all changed for me (I think you should be more specific with the “it” that changed for you, so I reworded the sentence). There was something special about these patients, something I had never seen in other specialties areas of medicine (Can you really compare patients to other specialties? You haven’t mentioned your experience talking to patients in surgical specialties, which is what you were interested in at first). <-- agree

 

Optimism. Hope. Courage. These people were determined to give their all, no matter how rough the road would get for them. They knew were informed of their statistics, of their odds of survival and of their grueling treatment plans.. They knew that the treatments were grueling, and Despite the inevitably tough road faced by them and their loved ones, they showed up to their appointments ready to fight as hard as they could to defy the odds given to them.  would not be easy for them or for their loved ones. But they showed up for their appointments, ready for what was being thrown their way. They understood what was going to happen, and how their lives would change. And they ready to fought as hard as they could to defy the odds that were given to them. (a lot of these statements were repetitive so I combined a few) These patients gave me hope and courage for my future, and I started to realize that if they could face something as utterly terrifying as cancer, I could face my biggest fears as well. In Throughout my six months that I spent as an intern interning in the oncology department and the years I returned there as a volunteer, I slowly but surely fell in love with the field of oncology. (From “….something I had never seen in other specialties…” to the end of this paragraph, I think the whole idea suggests that you wouldn’t care about patients with other types of medical/terminal conditions because you don’t think they have “optimism, hope, courage.” Maybe reword the transition.) This is really touching. Really good work. I think what would make it more powerful is writing this in present tense - these people are determined... they show up... they give me hope... Using present tense verbs let's readers know that you understand these are ongoing things)

 

I had never considered really thought much about becoming a Physician Assistant (PA) until I had requested a job shadowing opportunity at a shadowed a local oncology practice. On the day that I arrived, (sorry I had to link it; immediately popped in my mind as I read that) instead of being greeted by the main physician at the practice, I met the PA that worked there. She greeted me, and Although I knew little about the PA profession, I learned a lot in that eight-hour day. I sat in on various procedures and appointments, all of which she performed and took care of without batting an eyelash. Meanwhile, the physician was in his office, writing out notes and making phone calls. Take this sentence out. It sounds demeaning to physicians (your future collegues) so don't bother putting it in; that way you don't have to worry about offending anyone.It was then that I really discovered how much better suited I would be for a PA program rather than for medical school. (These last two sentences give me the impression that you think a doctor only ever sits in his office to write out notes and make phone calls. Maybe describe that you know that physicians can also provide patient care, except they spend MORE time in their office than PAs do.. or something like that. However, I’m not sure if that statement is even true for the PA profession). take the time to develop what about the PA profession was so meaningful to you; similar to what you did in the above paragraph

 

Being a very hands-on person, I often thought I wanted to become an artist (this is a sudden topic to bring up. Also, I thought after 12 years of watching medical shows you had your heart set on surgery?) I loved the precision and execution of doing something on my own- but I also valued communicating with others. I loved helping people, but I could never see myself as a teacher (teacher? I thought we were talking about you wanting to be an artist). I loved lending a hand when needed, and especially loved to help people feel better. Which is why I ended up considering becoming a surgeon. (oh I see, we’re going through how you narrowed down your decision to become a PA.) The hands-on experience that I craved, coupled with my passion for helping people steered me in the direction of medicine. I still have a pretty intense interest in surgery, due to these reasons. However, while shadowing the PA, I realized that she performed in-office procedures, such as bone marrow biopsies, which fascinated me as well. (I think this whole paragraph can be deleted or at least redone with a better transition and also more in depth reasons why you switched from Artist à teacher à surgeon à PA; as it stands, it is not very convincing) totally agree. get rid of it; the jumping around just is not convincing. it feels more like coincidence - well, I ruled out this, that, and the other, so the only thing left was medicine/PA. NO. you want to convey that this is a deliberate choice, not an after-thought. or if you really want, maybe use only 1 - the artist - and use it as your intro. You could tie it to surgey, showing how they are similar, and then showing how the leap from hands-on art to hands-on medicine isn't that big of a leap at all.

 

To help me prepare for becoming a PA (this is weird sounding to me. Maybe just: To help me pepare to becom a PA...), I obtained my certifications as both an Emergency Medcial Technician and a Certified Nursing Assistant. (Describing specifically how these jobs have helped you prepare for becoming a PA would be helpful - E.g. ability to adapt and work in stressful environments as an EMT, ability to handle patients delicately as a CNA) <--yes Most recently, I worked at a Girl Scout Summer Camp as their health director, taking care of both children and staff members who were sick or injured. I had to think quickly to address issues with both children and adults, and I had to make vital decisions on whether or not a health concern in a camper or staff member could be taken care of in our health center, or if further, specialized medical attention was necessary (see, these are good examples from your girl scout expereince.). I took vitals, and learned how to perform basic exams on patients who came in on the first day of camp. I also obtained Medication Administration Certification training, and I was authorized to give medications to children as directed. Working in this setting was both an amazing and rewarding experience. I also gained valuable leadership and critical thinking skills, as I had to make decisions fairly quickly and take initiative in all cases. It even gave me a newfound interest in both pediatrics and in primary care, in addition to my interest in surgery and oncology.

 

For someone like me, I believe that Becoming a PA is the right decision for me because of my passion for helping others, as well as my sincere interest in oncology, surgery, pediatrics and primary care. many different fields in medicine. I am a very hands-on person who enjoys working on her feet and solving puzzles and mysteries, especially when it comes to patients. I am also very good at following directions, and I respect figures of authority, which is an important aspect of being a PA (I am indifferent about mentioned these things as skills to highlight, because it doesn’t take much effort to follow directions or to respect figures of authority). <-- yes.  I also crave the expansive options that PAs have once they graduate; I won’t ever be stuck in the specialty that I choose (being “stuck” in a specialty has a very negative tone that contrasts with your interest in specific fields that you elaborated on earlier, so I would take it out and replace it with this last sentence, which as a more positive spin on it) I’ll have the freedom to explore my varied interests and put my skills to good use.

 

I understand the sacrifices that I will have to make for my career, but there is nothing in the world I would rather do. I am a firm believer in the quote, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” And that is my goal.

  • Toasty has lots of good notes! definitely take them into consideration
  • that being said, this whole PS seems a bit self-centered to me. you talk extensively about how you got to this point in your life, why you'd be good, your relevant experience... but that's just a teeny tiny part of the big picture you need to cover. take it 1 step further
  • think about framing what you'd get out of PA into how you can pass that on to someone else. for instance, you say "I crave the expansive options... so I won't get stuck," which is entirely negative in tone and quite selfish. if you merely tweak it to say "I crave the expansive options so I will be able to adapt my skills and specialities to my communities needs" <-- BAM. That's how you take things 1 step further.
  • also, now that I think about it, I would just cut out the long winded story of being interested in surgery, peds, etc. emphasize oncology because that was your great anecdote, but you can mention the other specialties in passing: "Although I am passionate about oncology and helping patients in their most vulnerable time of need, I still like the idea of having the skill set to be flexible to be able to serve my community in whatever capacity I can. From pediatrics to surgery, I know a strong edcuation as a PA will prepare me for...."
  • Now that I think about it, I think you need to do some rearranging:
  • I would seriously consider opening with the "I wanted to be an artist." then you can go into details of what about art appeals to you, and be sure to use descriptions that can be also used to describe medicine. then say, "despite my passion for art, I realized that I was missing out on an integral aspect of life - interacting on a personal level with people. And then tie it to medicine.
  • then 2nd paragraph talk about shadowing the PA
  • 3rd/4th paragraphs details about oncology experience, PCE, etc. not sure which should go first. I don't think it matters, as long as the transitions are there to help it make sense
  • conclusion - there's a lot of things you can talk about, just think past yourself and how you can pass on the benefits of you being a PA to others. some people talk about preventative care, education, etc. you can talk about being an advocate. you can talk about why not only you'd be a good PA-S but also what you'll do to further the profession as a PA-C. Be as specific as possible where it counts.
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Hello generous editors, Topsy & Toasty. I don't know if it's too late, but I figured I'd leave my PS and any edits, inputs and comments anyone could provide would be greatly appreciated. If you're unable to look at it - no worries!  Thank you!  Holden
 

In my life I’ve found that service and enjoyment are inseparable, and that there is no greater satisfaction than helping someone in dire need. I seek to work as an in emergency medical clinician because it’s meaningful, gratifying work, and specifically as a PA because of its direct involvement in patient care.

 

Working for over 10 years with the American Red Cross Volunteer Lifesaving Corps (VLSC) and for Jacksonville Beach Ocean Rescue (JBOR), I learned what it means to be responsible of caring for someone’s life. Before I was 18, I’d held pressure on arterial bleeding, given rescue breathing, and pulled multiple patrons out of rip-currents. In 2006, I responded to a 14-year-old girl who had broken her tibia and fibula and was in psychogenic shock. For the care I provided – administering oxygen, splinting her leg, and directing her transport – I received the Oetgen First Aid Award by the VLSC. The next year I enrolled in night classes to become an Emergency Medical Technician and for the next four years I worked as an EMT Rescue Swimmer for JBOR. As Rescue Swimmer, I served as the medical officer for hundreds of first aid and water extraction cases, including major cases where I directed care for fatal and non-fatal drownings, cardiogenic shock, severe bleeding and hypovolemic shock, several suspected c-spine injuries, drug overdose, and anaphylaxes.

 

At the University of Florida I had originally planned to pursue schooling in medicine and become a physician, but after becoming involved in a marine research lab I concentrated in ecology and environmental science. Since graduating in 2009, I’ve worked as a field biologist and scientific diver in Florida’s Estuaries, the Turks and Caicos Islands, the Bahamas, the Florida Keys, and offshore in the Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico. Currently, my research uses water quality indicators, nutrient analysis, and biological monitoring to track and analyze long-term changes in the Guana Tolomato Matanzas National Estuarine Research Reserve. Concurrently, I’ve worked in the maritime, scuba diving and commercial spearfishing industries, and am currently a Divemaster and a Captain of a charter diving vessel, the Native Diver II. My experience is that having a qualitative knowledge of the marine environment is not only useful in planning and executing research operations, but most importantly it develops a direct connection with the subject being studied and the people who depend on it.

 

For both scientific research and operating a dive vessel, I’ve found that the key for day-to-day success is simple: avoid costly mistakes through sustained attention to detail. For example, in my current research in estuarine monitoring I follow a 50-plus-step procedure to calibrate the instruments we use for unattended water quality sampling. One missed step or incorrect input can corrupt large data series or result in losing multiple weeks of data. In maritime and diving operations, the consequences for mental oversights can be more severe. The reality is that almost all major boating and diving accidents result from human error and could have been avoided by taking heed of the weather, an equipment malfunction, or an evaluation of a diver before they enter the water. While diving, I’ve had to find lost divers, buddy-breath three different divers who’d run out of air, and freed a diver entangled by a 50 pound amberjack. Whether in a marine or clinical environment, I’ve found that preventing small problems may be the only way to prevent a situation escalating into something that cannot be controlled. Earlier this summer, I noticed a diver exhibiting odd behavior before beginning his final dive. I told my captain to finish helping the other passengers in the water and that I was going to suit up and splash immediately. The diver hit the water negatively buoyant, missed the anchor line, and plummeted to the bottom 80 feet below. I got to him a few seconds later and found him with his air source out of his mouth. After I returned the diver to the surface, we discovered the he’d started taking Xanax during the trip and couldn’t remember how many he’d consumed.

 

Although the path that has led me to PA school has not been strait forward, I believe that my life experience as a lifeguard, EMT, divemaster, research scientist and boat captain has prepared me for the eventual responsibilities of being a clinician in emergency medicine. For me, the PA’s focus on hands-on patient care is its greatest appeal, and I expect to serve as the functional hub for a healthcare team. Similar to the balance I’ve found as a field biologist in marine research – combining experiential knowledge in seamanship and diving with quantitative data collection and analysis – I intend to develop strong, qualitative connections with patients while being able to make vital, clinical decisions in a time-sensitive and potentially critical environment. It’s a role I believe I am well suited for, and where I can have a direct, meaningful impact in helping those in urgent or critical need.

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Holden, it is all interesting about the marine/diving things but how is that answering the prompted question "Why do you want to be a PA?"

Read each paragraph and think about what it does to answer that question.

Great point, Disciple3. An interesting essay that doesn't answer the prompt isn't going to do me much good! Thank you for you input.

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Hello generous editors, Topsy & Toasty. I don't know if it's too late, but I figured I'd leave my PS and any edits, inputs and comments anyone could provide would be greatly appreciated. If you're unable to look at it - no worries!  Thank you!  Holden

 

In my life I’ve found that service and enjoyment are inseparable, and that there is no greater satisfaction than helping someone in dire need. I seek to work as an in emergency medical clinician because it’s meaningful, gratifying work, and specifically as a PA because of its direct involvement in patient care.

 

Working for over 10 years with the American Red Cross Volunteer Lifesaving Corps (VLSC) and for Jacksonville Beach Ocean Rescue (JBOR), I learned what it means to be responsible of caring for someone’s life. Before I was 18, I’d held pressure on arterial bleeding, given rescue breathing, and pulled multiple patrons out of rip-currents. In 2006, I responded to a 14-year-old girl who had broken her tibia and fibula and was in psychogenic shock. For the care I provided – administering oxygen, splinting her leg, and directing her transport – I received the Oetgen First Aid Award by the VLSC. The next year I enrolled in night classes to become an Emergency Medical Technician and for the next four years I worked as an EMT Rescue Swimmer for JBOR. As Rescue Swimmer, I served as the medical officer for hundreds of first aid and water extraction cases, including major cases where I directed care for fatal and non-fatal drownings, cardiogenic shock, severe bleeding and hypovolemic shock, several suspected c-spine injuries, drug overdose, and anaphylaxes.

 

At the University of Florida I had originally planned to pursue schooling in medicine and become a physician, but after becoming involved in a marine research lab I concentrated in ecology and environmental science. Since graduating in 2009, I’ve worked as a field biologist and scientific diver in Florida’s Estuaries, the Turks and Caicos Islands, the Bahamas, the Florida Keys, and offshore in the Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico. Currently, my research uses water quality indicators, nutrient analysis, and biological monitoring to track and analyze long-term changes in the Guana Tolomato Matanzas National Estuarine Research Reserve. Concurrently, I’ve worked in the maritime, scuba diving and commercial spearfishing industries, and am currently a Divemaster and a Captain of a charter diving vessel, the Native Diver II. My experience is that having a qualitative knowledge of the marine environment is not only useful in planning and executing research operations, but most importantly it develops a direct connection with the subject being studied and the people who depend on it.

 

For both scientific research and operating a dive vessel, I’ve found that the key for day-to-day success is simple: avoid costly mistakes through sustained attention to detail. For example, in my current research in estuarine monitoring I follow a 50-plus-step procedure to calibrate the instruments we use for unattended water quality sampling. One missed step or incorrect input can corrupt large data series or result in losing multiple weeks of data. In maritime and diving operations, the consequences for mental oversights can be more severe. The reality is that almost all major boating and diving accidents result from human error and could have been avoided by taking heed of the weather, an equipment malfunction, or an evaluation of a diver before they enter the water. While diving, I’ve had to find lost divers, buddy-breath three different divers who’d run out of air, and freed a diver entangled by a 50 pound amberjack. Whether in a marine or clinical environment, I’ve found that preventing small problems may be the only way to prevent a situation escalating into something that cannot be controlled. Earlier this summer, I noticed a diver exhibiting odd behavior before beginning his final dive. I told my captain to finish helping the other passengers in the water and that I was going to suit up and splash immediately. The diver hit the water negatively buoyant, missed the anchor line, and plummeted to the bottom 80 feet below. I got to him a few seconds later and found him with his air source out of his mouth. After I returned the diver to the surface, we discovered the he’d started taking Xanax during the trip and couldn’t remember how many he’d consumed.

 

Although the path that has led me to PA school has not been strait forward, I believe that my life experience as a lifeguard, EMT, divemaster, research scientist and boat captain has prepared me for the eventual responsibilities of being a clinician in emergency medicine. For me, the PA’s focus on hands-on patient care is its greatest appeal, and I expect to serve as the functional hub for a healthcare team. Similar to the balance I’ve found as a field biologist in marine research – combining experiential knowledge in seamanship and diving with quantitative data collection and analysis – I intend to develop strong, qualitative connections with patients while being able to make vital, clinical decisions in a time-sensitive and potentially critical environment. It’s a role I believe I am well suited for, and where I can have a direct, meaningful impact in helping those in urgent or critical need.

  • This reads like a regurgitation of a resume. Big no-no
  • Why PA? why not RN? CRNA? You have to show why the profession is personally meaningful to you. What qualities do you have that would make you a good fit to be a PA? And what aspects of the PA profession would be a good fit for you?
  • Take less time listing off your accomplishments and more time talking about what being a PA means in the big picture: connecting with patients, helping people at their most vulnerable, listening and really understand a communitites needs, educating and advocating about the PA profession... could go on and on.
  • Maybe instead of focusing on, hey! here's why I'm super great! turn the tables to say yeah, I'm pretty awesome, but I'd be humbled and honored to join the PA profession because... Show the ad comms why they should take a chance on you.
  • Think about what you can provide to others as a PA, not just what you'd get out of it personally.
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Hopefully I'm not too late seems like you have a good grasp of the question could you guys please look over my rough draft?

 

Thank You

 

Please critique 

- am I answering the question?

- does this engage the reader?

- Iffy on the conclusion 

 

“Clear!” yelled the medical provider as the young woman laid lifelessly on the cold Emergency Department floor. My innocent face lit up as I saw how quickly she was brought back to life. Immediately, I was intrigued as a young child on this modern miracle and wanted to learn about healthcare. As I approached high school, I encountered a fork in the road. Instructed to choose a high school major I was overwhelmed and perplexed. Memories of the moment with the young woman lying on the cold ED floor reoccurred. From all my options I was enticed to choose Allied Health! Through my high school major I was able to gain experience with classes such as Anatomy & Physiology early on which propelled my interest even further into healthcare. Specifically, learning how to analyze and interrupt ECGs was personally eye opening. Being able to correlate a patient with an elevated or depressed ST segment to a heart attack was mind boggling. Utilizing this knowledge I was able to put pieces together from my young medical mystery. Discovering the young woman had a heart attack was a long awaited diagnoses! 

 

As I progressed through high school I gained a greater passion for health care. During 11th grade I was assigned to teach my fellow classmates on a particular health care occupation. Chosen for Physician Assistant I initially was confused and didn't know how they fit into the medical team. I began shadowing a PA early believing it would give me insight to teach the class. This was when I first encountered a PA. Enjoying the versatility that PA’s possess I was astonished, however, I was still hesitant in pursuing this career without considering other health care occupations. 

 

Just as I enrolled at UMBC, I took the initiative to volunteer at St. Agnes hospital hoping to broaden my knowledge of health care occupations. I Progressively went from floor to floor learning about various specialties such as orthopedics, oncology and the ED. Observing the dexterity needed to properly treat a dislocated shoulder to the delicacy necessary for an emergency intubation. Discovering I equally enjoy all disciplines of health care, I didn’t want to seclude myself to just one. This lead me to believe that becoming a physician was not my path. Being confined to one specialty would squander my curiosity of learning and challenging myself.

 

During my journey as an ED volunteer I approached a dead end. Realizing that I was only able to assist instead of practice medicine I knew I had to get hands on experience to understand the full aspect of heath care. As a volunteer I always interacted with EMTs. Noticing they had various patients from cardiac arrest, fractured femurs, to minuscule fevers. EMTs caught my attention! My ability to learn and challenge myself through various scenarios could be fulfilled. This was when I sought out to become an EMT.

 

Working as a first responder is exhilarating. Discovering new challenges were thrown upon me, I knew I had to adapt. These consisted of greater reasoning skills for an emergent anaphylactic situation, being an effective communicator to instruct my patients of a pre-hospital treatment for a hypoxic elder, and the capability of handling high stress in a multi vehicle MVC. Not exclusive to these examples, I gained many new traits to become a great medical provider. However, still I felt like something was missing.

 

Early one morning on my shift as an EMT the alarm rang, medic 355 respond to an unconscious cardiac arrest. We darted to the medic with lights and sirens to the scene. As a young EMT still nervous my hands shook as I put on gloves. We got to the scene as paramedics started injecting epinephrine while initiating CPR. Noticing my EMT partner exhausted from compressions. I was called for a switch. Everything I learned and practiced was put into reality! I got down and compressed the pale patient’s chest. I began singing "Stayin' Alive” to myself to keep me on pace. After about 5 minutes of CPR as a team. We were able to get a faint carotid pulse back.  

 

We rapidly transported  an unstable patient back to the ED where I once volunteered. Quickly greeted by an ED Physician Assistant who admitted the patient. I stood anxiously behind for assistance. Observing the PA stabilize the patient was mesmerizing. This was the same feeling I felt when I was younger. At this moment I knew that being an EMT was not enough and was just a stepping stone to pursue the PA profession. 

 

Devoting immense amount of time and energy into my decision to become a PA I discovered many things about myself. My curiosity of medicine and passion to evaluate, diagnose and treat patients continuously instead of through a pre-hospital setting. Having the desire to learn and challenge myself in a team as well as independently. Throughout my experiences as an EMT and volunteering in the hospital, I gained valuable attributes that would make me a passionate and exceptional PA.   

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