Jump to content

First time applicant/First draft of essay


Recommended Posts

I would really appreciate some advice and some constructive criticism on my essay draft.  Especially having a hard time with my closing.  Any and all help is appreciated!  Here is goes......

 

 

 

They sent me kicking and screaming.  This was not for me; I was not ready.  On day one, the nerves took over my body and the sweat was pouring.  They were all swapping stories from medical emergencies from experience in both the emergency room and in deployed settings in the desert.  Gunshot wounds, surgeries, chest tubes, endotracheal tubes, intubation, central lines, and CPR.  The nervousness escalated and panic started to set in.  I do not belong here.  Ten students, nine with experience, and then there was me.  Blood pressure?  Check!  Temperature?  Check!  Intubation?  Not so much!  I do not belong here.  You will do great they said.  I will fail out of this course in a week, guaranteed. 

 

The course was the Air Force’s Independent Duty Medical Technician Course.  Independent Duty Medical Technicians (IDMTs) were the crème dela crème in the Air Force medical world.  They were intimidating, most were arrogant and put up on a pedestal.  This was for good reason.  They were known as the “doc in a box” or the “jack of all trades.”  IDMT school trained to provide medical support in remote or isolated duty stations.  In many cases, they were the sole medical provider available.  The course instruction included how to obtain medical histories and examining, assessing, and treating patients in the absence of a physician.  They were trained in emergency medical care as well as dental and surgical procedures.  As if being able to treat patients on their own without a medical license wasn’t enough; they were trained in conducting food sanitation inspections, water treatment testing, occupational medicine, laboratory testing and dispensing medications.  The list of their qualifications goes on and on.  Sound intimidating?  It was!  Especially as a young medical technician who was happy just checking in patients. 

 

When I was told that I had to go to the course, my immediate reaction was panic and fear and a big NO!  I felt like I had absolutely no experience and had no business being there.  On the first day, all of the feelings that I had were validated.  All of the other students had copious amounts of medical experience, not this girl.  The course was no joke.  Luckily for my classmates, their experience helped them cruise through most of the course.  My days consisted of class, study, gym, study, sleep, study and repeat.  The fact that I, not only, passed the course but also did surprisingly well was a huge accomplishment.  I couldn’t have been more proud of myself, though I still doubted my abilities to follow through with skills if the opportunity ever arose.

 

Fast forward to almost two years later.  The waves were crashing, the music was up loud and the sun felt so great on my face.  “Jessica, you have to come with me quick!” the Colonel yelled at me.  Sprinting up the hill, there he was just laying there in the middle of the road like some poor animal that lost a battle with a moving car.  “Sir, sir are you okay?”  No answer.  The people started to pile up around us.  “Call 911!!”  They seemed to be closing in on us, hovering and staring.  “What happened?”  Crickets.  Deep breathe Jessica, get to work.  Pulse…weak but still there.  Breathing?  Yes.  He has emesis all over himself.  His paints are soiled with urine.  Wait, it’s at least 80 degrees out here and probably close to 100 percent humidity…he was competing in a triathlon, why isn’t he sweating?  Cue ambulance.  The scissors could not cut through his clothes fast enough.  “Hey lady what are you doing!” one person exclaimed.  My nausea was beginning to take over and I was afraid that I may not be able to control it...rectal temperature of 108 degrees.  Sigh, heat stroke.    

 

I hitched a ride in the ambulance to the hospital to hand over care of the patient.  The drive seemed like an eternity, when in all actuality it was maybe ten minutes.  After a successful patient transfer summary with the ER physician, the hospital team went to work.  I nervously called my preceptor (a physician) and gave him a detailed patient report.  “You did good kid.  I’ll be there in a few minutes,” he said.  I anxiously waited for someone to walk through the waiting room doors to give an update.  I felt like I was wearing out the tile in the tiny room with all of my pacing.  “Miss?”  Ah, finally.  “His wife would like to speak with you on the phone,” she said.  “I will warn you, she is a nurse and she wants to know every small detail.”  Oh great, not only is she going to question my care but I may start to question myself.  Here we go.

 

The voice on the other end of the line was high pitched and frantic.  The nurse was right; she wanted to know everything.  Not just everything about the care her husband had received, she wanted to know how long I had been in the military, what my job title was, how much training I had in the job, all of my certifications, etc.  The questions went on and on.  At the end of the conversation she sighed and stated, “Thank you so much for everything you have done.  We are incredibly lucky you were there to help him.  The words thank you are not enough.”  I couldn’t control the tears anymore and I began to sob. 

I was leaving the island in a week, and I spent that last week driving to the hospital or calling the nurses everyday.  His organs had started to shut down and he was still in ICU, but the doctors were very confident that he would make a full recovery.  I didn’t even know this person, but I could not take my mind off of him.  Departure day came, I dreaded leaving.  How could I leave before knowing this person was going to be fine?  Voicing my concerns to the physician I was working under, he said something very cliché but somehow it helped and stayed with me.  “You can’t be at your patients’ bedside 24 hours a day.  At some point you have to tell yourself that you have done everything possible and it’s in the hands of someone else or a higher power.  You cannot and will not be able to save them all, but with this one…you did.”

 

At 18 years old it seems that you are expected to know what you want to do with the rest of your life.  You’re encouraged to go to college in the career field that you are interested in.  Who knows anything at 18 years old?  I sure didn’t!  I wanted to be an artist, then an art teacher, then a social worker, and finally a psychologist.  I was busy socializing and enjoying life, and of course my grades suffered.  After nine years in the military, a Bachelors degree, and a family…I am content and I have already lived a fulfilling life and had so many experiences.  As a spouse of a military member the last five to six years has been about that.  From moving from place to place, raising incredible children and holding down the fort at home by myself at times, it has not been an easy task.  At almost 36 years old, I still have an immense passion for knowledge and helping others.  My time starts now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I enjoyed reading your essay...it held my attention and it's well written.

 

That said, it didn't do anything to explain why you want to be a PA. Your first goal has to be answering this question. Did these experience you've related spur you on to becoming a PA? If so, how? If not, I'd replace them with something that did. 

 

How were you exposed to the PA profession? How do you know that it's the right one for you (as opposed to other uses of your passion for knowledge and helping others)?

 

IMHO, good writing matters a lot...but it can't overcome failure to address the prompt. 

 

Best of luck.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

^^ I read physician, nurse, social worker, and psychologist mentioned in your essay but no mention of the physician assistant occupation.  

 

Also, a lot of your writing focused on self-doubt; change it to talk about the fact that Air Force IDMT's are pretty much similar to the function and purpose of a PA; obtaining medical histories, examining, assessing, treating and documenting patient care encounters in the absence of a physician. Includes training in emergency medical, dental, and surgical procedures to stabilize patient condition until evacuation to definitive care can occur in remote or isolated locations or in non-medical units and how those skills overlap greatly with what a PA does -- focus on the strengths those gave you to prepare you for a PA now rather than the apprehensions you had when going into it, the confidence and experience you have now after doing it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, why do you want to be a PA? Maybe you could make a list of reasons...why you want to be a provider in general and a PA in particular. Then start connecting those reasons back to influences in your life and see if some interesting ideas start surfacing.

 

I'd say get some concrete reasons on paper, then work on removing/restating the cliches. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, why do you want to be a PA? Maybe you could make a list of reasons...why you want to be a provider in general and a PA in particular. Then start connecting those reasons back to influences in your life and see if some interesting ideas start surfacing.

 

I'd say get some concrete reasons on paper, then work on removing/restating the cliches. 

I think I may have gotten it.  It's so hard!  Ha ha!  Now my biggest problem is trying to cut it down to 5000 characters.  Would you mind taking a peek at my revision?  May I ask, are you currently a student or applying?  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think I may have gotten it.  It's so hard!  Ha ha!  Now my biggest problem is trying to cut it down to 5000 characters.  Would you mind taking a peek at my revision?  May I ask, are you currently a student or applying?  

 

Sure.

 

And I'm just an applicant spewing out loosely substantiated judgments on the work of others. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sure.

 

And I'm just an applicant spewing out loosely substantiated judgments on the work of others. 

 

Ha ha well I appreciate the constructive criticism.  Here's a revised draft.  Took me forever to get it down to 5000 characters.  Let me know what you think.  Good luck to you!

 

 

 

They sent me kicking and screaming. I was not ready. On day one, the nerves took over my body and the sweat started to pour. They were all swapping stories of medical emergencies from the ER or deployed locations. Gunshot wounds, amputations, surgeries, chest tubes, central lines, intubation, etc. The nervousness began to set in. Ten students; nine with experience, and then there was me. You will do great they said. I do not belong here.

 

The course was the Air Force's Independent Duty Medical Technician (IDMT) course. IDMTs are the creme dela creme in the Air Force medical world. They are intimidating, most are arrogant and put up on a pedestal. This is for good reason. They are known as "doc in a box" or the "jack of all trades." IDMTs are trained to provide medical support in a remote or isolated location, and in many cases, they were the sole provider. They are trained in examining, assessing, and treating patients in the absence of a physician; to include emergency medical care, dental and surgical procedures. As if being able to treat patients on their own isn't enough, they are able to conduct food sanitation inspections, water treatment testing, occupational medicine, lab testing, and dispensing medications. The IDMT functionality mirrors the job description of a Physician Assistant; they are healthcare professionals who are able to practice medicine under the supervision of a physician, which was often just a phone call.  I was not ready.

 

When I was told that I had to go to the course, my reaction was panic and fear. I didn't have the medical experience and had no business being there. On the first day, all of my initial feelings were validated. All of the other students had a plethora of medical experience, not this girl. My days consisted of class, study, gym, study, sleep, and repeat. The fact that I, not only, passes the course but did surprisingly well was a huge accomplishment. Was I ready now?

 

Fast forward to 2 years later. "Jessica, you have to come quick!" the Colonel yelled at me. Sprinting up the hill there he was, just laying in the middle of the road like some poor animal that lost a battle with a moving car. "Sir, sir are you okay?" No answer. The people started to pile up around us. "Call 911!  What happened?" Crickets. Deep breathe Jessica, get to work. Pulse? Yes but weak. Breathing? Yes. He had emesis all over himself and his shorts were soiled with urine. It's at least 80 degrees, and probably close 10 90 percent humidity; he was competing in a triathlon and there wasn't an ounce of sweat on him. Cue ambulance. Fumbling for the scissors, I could not cut through his clothes fast enough. My first rectal temperature on an adult; 108. Sigh, heat stroke. You learn about it but never think that you will see it.

 

I hitched a ride in the ambulance to hand over care of the patient. The 10 minute drive seemed like an eternity. As the ER staff went to work, I nervously called my preceptor (a physician) and gave him the detailed patient report. "You did good kid.  I'll be there in a few minutes." I anxiously paced the room waiting for someone to walk through the waiting room doors to give me an update. "Miss?"  Ah, finally.  "His wife would like to speak with you on the phone," the nurse said.  Here we go.

 

The voice on the other end of the line was high pitched and frantic. She was a nurse and wanted to know everything. Not just about the medical care he had received so far, everything. How long had I been in the military, what was my job title, how much experience did I have, and what were my certifications. After all of her questions were answered she said, "I'm so thankful you were there. The words thank you are not enough." Through the sobbing I was able to mutter a you're welcome. I was ready.

 

I was leaving the island the next week, and I spent everyday calling or driving to the hospital. His organs had started to fail and he was still in the ICU, but the doctors were confident that he would make a full recovery. I didn't know this person, but I dreaded leaving him behind. My preceptor said something that is probably pretty standard but it was helpful and has stayed with me forever. "Jessica at some point you have to tell yourself that you have done everything that you can from your end. You have great instincts, great rapport with patients and you will make a great provider one day." We had never spoke of my dreams and future aspirations; apparently he knew where I was headed in life before I did.

 

After 9 years in the military, I have had so many incredible experiences. This one, in particular, has stayed with me along the way. I have worked in many areas of the healthcare world for 14 years, and every time I move on there are two things that I miss the most: the doctors I worked with and the patients. I miss the dynamic of those relationships.  They are my strength, my driving force, my reason to become a Physician Assistant. Everything in my life has prepared me for this moment.  I am older, wiser, confident; I know who I am and what I want to be. My time starts now. I am ready.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Welcome to the Physician Assistant Forum! This website uses cookies to ensure you get the best experience on our website. Learn More