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Personal Narrative, any/all tips appreciated


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Hello,
 
I'm a first time applicant - any tips/edits would be appreciated!

 

 

While sitting outside on my lunch break at the community pharmacy where I was employed, I heard a young girl yelling, “Help!  My sister needs help!”  Shocked that no one was responding, I ran over to the vehicle and noticed that there was a young woman having a seizure in the front seat.  I put on her seat belt to limit her movement, called 911, and kept both girls calm until the ambulance arrived.  Upon reflecting on this incident, I realized that I had not one moment of hesitation to help.  I kept calm, rapidly processed the information, and acted in a way that produced a favorable outcome for all involved.  This was the exact moment that I realized that I wanted to be a physician assistant as I realized that I possess the traits to be an asset to the field.

Academically, I have always known that I process information in a unique way.  Since I was a child, my processing and decision making times have always been faster than my peers.  My brain works like a file cabinet; I receive the information and “file it” into categories.  When I feel that I have enough information, I then am able to make a quick decision on what I feel the problem is and work towards solving it.  This particular skill is very well suited for diagnosing problems, and would serve me very well in diagnosing pathophysiological conditions, in particular.  I enjoyed using this skill during my pathophysiology examinations.  Although these exams represented fairly simplistic patient case examples when compared to a real life situation, I was able to take the information as a whole, filter out the important parts, and suggest possible explanations for the “patients’” problems very quickly and efficiently.

 

 

While academic ability is undoubtedly important, I believe that my particular life experience is what will actually provide me with the greatest advantage while pursuing a physician assistant degree.  During my undergraduate years at The University of Michigan, I became physically unwell.  At that time, my medical team was unable to make a diagnosis and I struggled physically for a very long time.  I was forced to make the decision whether to continue my education in a limited capacity or to withdrawal from the University and come back when and if I was physically able to attend classes.  I chose to stay enrolled and as a result, my undergraduate GPA is far from reflective of my true academic abilities.  As a result, I will forever be explaining the discrepancy between what my early transcripts report and my actual academic skills.  I would not change my decision as learning has always been my greatest enjoyment and I refused to let my illness take that joy away from me during such a difficult time.  I have displayed my aptitude for science in particular with my post-baccalaureate classes, and I will continue to prove my capabilities with further educational endeavors.

After many years of investigation, I have been diagnosed with sarcoidosis.  While it has been a difficult journey, I believe that it has taught me occupational skills that I would not have learned otherwise, with the most important being empathy.  In a busy healthcare environment, finding a line between speed and efficiency is difficult.  I have recently had the privilege of serving as the coordinator of a specialized unit for patients undergoing treatment that were not sick enough to require a hospital stay and were not well enough to go home.  There were eighteen patients on this unit and one coordinator, so weighing patient needs was paramount.  One of my goals as coordinator was to remember what it felt like to be undergoing treatment for my condition and try to provide what I wished for during my experiences to my patients.  It is difficult to feel such a loss of control and dignity and it was a daily goal of mine to validate concerns and provide unconventional solutions to assist in the most helpful way possible.  My experience as a patient without a doubt made my patient care more effective, and I hold my service recognitions from these patients in high regard.  I will continue to keep my empathy skills on the forefront as I continue my career as a physician assistant.

 

 

 

Throughout my career in healthcare, I have had the pleasure of working closely with many mid-level practitioners, most of them being physician assistants.  I truly believe that our current medical model is ideal and lends itself to better patient care than a physician-only model.  I am privileged to witness the impact on patient care that my physician assistant co-workers provide, and I believe that I have the intelligence, fortitude, and advocacy skills necessary to be a vital member of the medical team.

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Hi,

 

So a couple things that stuck out to me and please know that I am in the same situation as you. I am here trying to get my essay peer reviewed and I am also a first time applicant. 

 

First, I liked your opening paragraph, it grabbed my attention. When you went on to the next paragraph I was a bit taken back that you are writing about how you are better than everybody else. Granted, you are probably not meaning for it to come off that way, but that was exactly how it read. I think working in the medical field (no matter the profession) our common goal is to work as a team and be there for one another.  To me this paragraph seems to put others down.

 

 

limited capacity or to withdrawal from the University and come back........do you mean withdraw?

 

Lastly, you mentioned PA on many occasions, but I still didnt get to see why you wanted to be a PA, except the instance when you helped the sisters at work.

 

 

Please know I am just trying to give you some constructive criticism.  

 

Best of luck to you!!

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...I was a bit taken back that you are writing about how you are better than everybody else... 

 

I agree with Kris6026 with everything that was said. Your introduction held my interest and I was looking forward to reading the rest...but then I reached the second sentence of the following paragraph. Your closing paragraph did it for me...completely egotistical. Why put down physicians? You dwell on collaboration and advocacy throughout your personal statement, but the tone in your writing claims otherwise. However, this may or may not be your intention but that's how I processed it.

 

Moving on to the positives...

  • You made it clear that you're emotionally stable and have the ability to remain calm when exposed to unfamiliar situations. This will serve you well, especially if you decide to pursue high (stress) risk specialties such as EM.
  • If you could maintain your claims such as academic ability with specific examples instead of saying "I have the ability and skill to filter out unnecessary information" you will be golden. This skill will be very important when you begin to drink water from the fire hydrant known as PA school.
  • I feel that you have a great start, but if you can soften up your tone a bit, this will blossom into a humble personal statement.
  • Also, do away with "mid-levels", try clinicians or providers. 

goodluck

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