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exactly what you think...help with editing!


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Not a first draft....but certainly not a final draft either!

and in case you can't tell, I'm a way over the limit...about 1,000 characters over :/

Ideally i can eliminate a small chunk from the each of the first 3 paragraphs, without having to eliminate too much from any one...

and of course, overall critiques are welcome too!

 

 

“I'm not sure,” I had said shrugging, fidgeting in my chair, glancing at the clock on the wall and making it painfully obvious how eager I was to leave. I was sitting opposite my biology advisor, who had just posed the question of what it was I wanted to do after I graduated. Truth be told, I had never met this woman before, and I had only scheduled this appointment as it was required in order to obtain my degree. I was feeling the way I had through most of my freshman year; not with a lack of knowledge or intelligence per say (as evident from my grades sophomore year and beyond), but with a significant lack of motivation. Looking back, my indifference about my future was driven by fear of the unknown. However, at that time I had a more relevant fear which was the need to find a job, any job, that would allow me to support myself and continue to live independently, as my mother had made it clear that she would not be able to support me financially in anyway. So my fear of the future was easily masked by my fear of the present and when I found out I had gotten a job a few days prior to my commencement, I was ecstatic. I shelved my fears of the future and for awhile it worked; so what if I had an office job that I found to be under stimulating and cared little about, at least I was paying all my bills. But the more I worked at something I did not enjoy, the greater the fear became, until I could not ignore it any longer and I began to wonder what I truly wanted to do with my life.

It was around this time that my mother had a heart attack. I remember the call from my Aunt informing me that my mother was in the hospital, and when I asked her if she thought I would need to come home, I distinctly remember her pausing, before saying a definitive yes. I informed my boss that I would need to take a leave of absence for an unknown amount of time and shamefully, I was happy for the excuse not come into work everyday. I flew the 3,000 miles from California to my hometown in Connecticut and found myself nervously arriving at the hospital where I was informed that my mother was in the Intensive Care Unit. I was told my mother had had a very serious heart attack and that she would require open heart surgery or face the possibility of death. I admired my mother most for her strength, independence, and tenacity, and seeing her so frail and ill on the hospital bed was a new kind of fear that I was unprepared for. Prepared or not, the bulk of the burden of caring for my mother fell on myself; I was the oldest child and my father had not so quietly exited the picture a few years prior. I remained with my mother for 3 months; first at the hospital and then at home to assist with rehabilitation. During that time, I met numerous medical professionals who worked around the clock to ensure my mothers health and well-being and I am indebted to them for their kindness, concern, and skills. I was particularly taken by a surgical Physician Assistant (PA) who assisted on my mother's cardiac surgery. She was well spoken, intelligent, informative, patient with my never ending questions, and most notably, thoughtful. She treated my mother like she wasn't just a patient, but a person as well. It is thanks to this woman that I began to consider PA as a possible career choice.

But the fear I felt was stubborn, and I resisted committing to something when I still wasn't sure. It would take two more separate events before I would know for certain that I wanted to be a PA. The first was spending 3 months traveling around central Europe. The trip was both indulgent and cathartic and I found myself falling in love with the concept of traveling; being exposed to new people and cultures was a type of learning experiencing that can only be described as intoxicating and I was devastated when the trip ended. I returned home with the daunting, self-imposed task of choosing a career path that could possibly make me as happy as I had been while traveling. I was able to identify two things in particular as the source of my happiness: the challenge that came with being in an unknown place, with unknown cultures and traditions, surrounded by complete strangers and having no choice but to ultimately figure things out, and the joy and fulfillment I felt from meeting and interacting with people in general. I knew I needed to choose a career that was both challenging and had human interaction. The second event which convinced me that I wanted to become a P.A. was being hired at my local hospital as a medical Scribe in the Emergency Room (ER). Now I was able to experience medicine as part of the health care team versus as a patient or family member, and the experience was in valuable. I had always loved science and biology in particular, but was never drawn to the research aspect as I found many concepts in that regard to be too abstract. In the ER I felt I was witnessing the practical application of the coursework I had studied. There were challenges as well; often times patients would present to the ER with limited history or obscure complaints and I observed as Physicians and PAs would tackle the challenge of having to consider and systematically eliminate different diagnoses by utilizing a combination of their education and experience. And of course, there was constant interaction with people; both with the public through patients and their families, and with a wide variety of medical professionals.

I finally feel like I have found a career that is challenging, has human interaction, and is in line with my original interests and course of study. While my fear of the unknown has made my path to this conclusion a lengthy one in some regards, I feel I am a stronger candidate because of it as I have taken the time to truly decide what I need in a career to make me happy. And if I ever run into my biology advisor again from all those years ago, I will stop her and say with confidence, “I know exactly what I want to do. I want to be a Physician Assistant.”

 

 

thanks!!!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

Please read the below enclosed Letter ( paragraph marked in red ) . It will help you overall for in applying for a  PA Program .


Your personal statement is all about your uncertainty about choosing a Profession . Make it short and move on and describe the profession and professionals you have met . 


Inject some structure in your writing rather than getting carried away with one theme .


 


Hopes that help .


 


****************


Dear Applicant,


 


Many applicants contact our program requesting information about improving their CASPA application for next year. Some of you reading this letter applied to our program this year but did not receive an interview. Others reading this letter applied, received an interview, but did not receive an acceptance letter from our program to date and are working on CASPA materials for next year. In the past, our program was able to respond personally to the applicants who requested this information. Unfortunately, with over 1,000 CASPA applications received this year, we are inundated with too many requests to handle personally. Enclosed you will find the best general advice that we provide to all applicants. Additionally, as you are probably already aware, the admissions process is different for every PA school across the country. The information provided in this letter is intended to help you improve your CASPA application for reapplying to our program.


 


First, GPA is the key predictor of success in PA school and we consider your GPA very strongly in the admissions process. If your total and/or science GPA is below a 3.5, we recommend that you begin a Master degree program to improve your GPA. (In our admissions process, a completed Master degree GPA that is verified by CASPA will replace your undergraduate GPA.) If you have determined that your GPA is your major concern, make a plan to improve your GPA. There is no amount of paid medical experience, shadowing, or volunteering that can offset a low GPA.


 


Second, ensure your letters of recommendation are excellent! When you ask someone to write a letter of recommendation for you, be sure to ask if they will be able to strongly recommend you or if they will be able to provide you with their highest recommendation. I am always surprised to see the mediocre scores that some references provide for candidates.


 


Third, make sure your writing sample is PEFECT! There are a lot of points to gain or lose in the writing sample. Follow the prompt! The prompt asks about your motivations for becoming a physician assistant. Your writing sample should completely answer why you want to become a physician assistant and nothing else. We are evaluating graduate writing, not a fancy story or “something that sets you apart from other candidates.” Tell us about how you learned about the profession. Tell us about how you knew you wanted to be a PA (versus something else like a physician, a nurse, etc.) Refrain from providing your resume, your GPA, being the captain of the football team, and other extraneous information. We can see all of that in the rest of the CASPA application. The writing sample is your opportunity to show us that you can write at the graduate level, and part of upper level writing includes writing exclusively to the prompt. You immediately lose points when your writing takes a detour from the prompt. Make sure that your grammar and spelling are perfect and that your writing flows well from paragraph to paragraph. After writing your draft, have a couple of people provide suggestions about your writing sample.


 


Regarding the interview day, be professional and be yourself! I recently read something on one of the PA forums that advised you to say something to make us remember you and to make yourself stand out from other candidates. That is not what we are looking for; in fact, this can really work against you. We are looking forward to a discussion with you about the questions we ask, and truly, getting to know you a bit while you are on campus with us. Additionally, I always recommend that you wear a suit on the interview day. Be sure to address faculty members by their formal names, not by their first names. Answering our questions is how you earn your points on the interview day. Relax, and answer the questions the best you can during your interview. Be prepared to talk about issues in healthcare, but if you choose a topic, for example, healthcare reform, OWN IT! It is disappointing when a candidate tells me healthcare reform is the most critical issue in healthcare today, but then cannot discuss it any further. Above all, do not memorize a script that you feel you need to recite while you are here as that quickly becomes fairly obvious to us.


 


Thank you for your continued interest in The University of Toledo PA Program. I hope you find this letter helpful in preparing for your CASPA application and interview days. Best wishes to you as you work toward your academic and professional goals.


 


Sincerely,


 


April Gardner, MSBS, PA-C


 


April Gardner, MSBS, PA-C


Associate Program Director and Academic Coordinator


The University of Toledo PA Program


College of Medicine and Life Sciences


3000 Arlington Avenue, MS 1027


Toledo, Ohio 43614

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