Anyone willing to comment on a third draft?

[alcornt]

Thanks again for any comments. PLEASE tell me if i should restructure or take something out. It is often hard for us to see our own fluff.

 

It was a cold night on the streets of Siberia ten years ago when a friend and I saw a black lump lying on the icy street. We soon found this lump to be an elderly woman who had fallen and was crying for help. We called for “Quick Help,” the Russian equivalent for an ambulance and I covered her with my coat and scarf to try to keep her warm. At that moment, as I held her hand and looked into her watery eyes, I was filled with a sense of love for this woman and a strong desire to give her assistance, but I felt so helpless without any knowledge of what to do. So I waited with her, listening to her cries, until help arrived. This experience as a volunteer missionary for my church helped me realize that I had been living for myself all of my life, when I should have been living for others. Although it didn’t create a desire to specifically become a physician assistant, this moment, along with a few other life-lessons, has played a key role in leading me toward the physician assistant profession.

 

I knew that I wanted to get into the medical field, but I was not sure exactly where I would fit in. While taking exploratory classes at my university, I kept receiving promotions at a growing bakery chain until I became the corporate executive pastry chef. In order to fully commit to my new position, I withdrew from my classes and began working full-time. They sent me to multiple leadership seminars and even began paying my way through culinary school, yet my mind kept wandering back to the woman on the street, and I felt like I was not doing what I truly wanted to do.

 

After six years of pastries, I began researching many different medical professions including physical therapy, nursing, and primary care as a physician. All of these fields have great aspects about them that I love, but none of them seemed to stand out above the other or fit with my situation. When I met the new family practitioner in my area, I was surprised to find out that he was not a doctor, but a physician assistant (PA). I had never heard anything about the profession before and was intrigued that he could diagnose my illness and prescribe me medication. As I began asking him questions, he took the time to sit with me and describe what he did and how much he loved it. I felt a need to find out more , so I began researching this profession. Learning that the number of PAs was steadily growing while the number of primary care physicians was declining gave me a sense of security. I was interested to find out that I could become a PA in roughly two years after receiving a bachelor’s degree and could perform many of the tasks that a doctor could perform.

 

When I started shadowing PAs, I was impressed at the level of trust and respect present between the physician assistant, the practicing physician, and the team of healthcare providers. I loved the atmosphere of teamwork and learning associated with the role of the physician assistant. This became even more apparent when I took the time to shadow a PA as well as his supervising physician. I liked the idea that a physician assistant could change specialties without further schooling and always had a supervising physician with whom he could consult. Having a family, along with a mortgage and other responsibilities, made the fact that I could learn to practice medicine—without going into a larger amount of debt—appealing. The physician assistant pathway seemed to be the perfect choice for me to fill the void that I had been experiencing in my life since I that cold night in Siberia. After much thought and consultation with my wife, I made the leap and quit my job. A steady salary and career were replaced with student loans, a certified nursing assistant license, and a myriad of classes to continue.

 

I began working as a certified nursing assistant at a skilled nursing center as well as volunteering with a hospice organization in my county. This experience familiarized me with how a medical team works together to care for the patient. I also learned the value of connecting with a patient in order to provide quality care. One resident of this facility who the staff seemed to fear the most was combative and always refused care. I took it upon myself to get to know her. As I genuinely asked her about her life, she began to open up to me and tell me amazing stories about her past. She enjoyed our conversations and soon began accepting care. Although she has since passed away, I will never forget the effect that a simple smile had on her demeanor.

 

I have never regretted the decision to change paths from my world of pastries to a future physician assistant career. Lessons I have learned in my life have played a key role in easing this transition. Now I feel like I am on the pathway to helping those like the woman on the street ten years ago. My life seems to be filled with a new excitement and energy, my academic career means more to me, and I am learning more to focus on the most important thing in our lives—others.

[rachiehayes]

Thanks again for any comments. PLEASE tell me if i should restructure or take something out. It is often hard for us to see our own fluff.

 

It was a cold night on the streets of Siberia ten years ago when a friend and I saw a black lump lying on the icy street. We soon found this lump to be an elderly woman who had fallen and was crying for help. We called for “Quick Help,” the Russian equivalent for an ambulance and I covered her with my coat and scarf to try to keep her warm. At that moment, as I held her hand and looked into her watery eyes, I was filled with a sense of love for this woman and a strong desire to give her assistance, but I felt so helpless without any knowledge of what to do. So I waited with her, listening to her cries, until help arrived. This experience as a volunteer missionary for my church helped me realize that I had been living for myself all of my life, when I should have been living for others. Although it didn’t create a desire to specifically become a physician assistant, this moment, along with a few other life-lessons, has played a key role in leading me toward the physician assistant profession.

 

I knew that I wanted to get into the medical field, but I was not sure exactly where I would fit in. While taking exploratory classes at my university, I kept receiving promotions at a growing bakery chain until I became the corporate executive pastry chef. In order to fully commit to my new position, I withdrew from my classes and began working full-time. They sent me to multiple leadership seminars and even began paying my way through culinary school, yet my mind kept wandering back to the woman on the street, and I felt like I was not doing what I truly wanted to do.

 

After six years of pastries, I began researching many different medical professions including physical therapy, nursing, and primary care as a physician. All of these fields have great aspects about them that I love, but none of them seemed to stand out above the other or fit with my situation. When I met the new family practitioner in my area, I was surprised to find out that he was not a doctor, but a physician assistant (PA). I had never heard anything about the profession before and was intrigued that he could diagnose my illness and prescribe me medication. As I began asking him questions, he took the time to sit with me and describe what he did and how much he loved it. I felt a need to find out more , so I began researching this the profession.

 

When I started shadowing PAs, I was impressed at the level of trust and respect present between the physician assistant, the practicing physician, and the team of healthcare providers. I loved the atmosphere of teamwork and learning associated with the role of the physician assistant. This became even more apparent when I took the time to shadow a PA as well as his supervising physician. I liked the idea that a physician assistant could change specialties without further schooling and always had a supervising physician with whom he could consult. Having a family, along with a mortgage and other responsibilities, made the fact that I could learn to practice medicine—without going into a larger amount of debt—appealing. The physician assistant pathway seemed to be the perfect choice for me to fill the void that I had been experiencing in my life since I that cold night in Siberia. After much thought and consultation with my wife, I made the leap and quit my job. A steady salary and career were replaced with student loans, a certified nursing assistant license, and a myriad of classes to continue.

Learning that the number of PAs was steadily growing while the number of primary care physicians was declining gave me a sense of security. I was interested to find out that I could become a PA in roughly two years after receiving a bachelor’s degree and could perform many of the tasks that a doctor could perform. I would rephrase this sentence and fit it into the paragraph above so you have the reasons why you want to be a PA in one paragraph. it flows easier. 

 

overall it is a great essay. especially the first paragraph. i hope this helps a little bit! 

[alcornt]

Thanks for the advice. I rearranged it as you suggested and it feels much better.