This is my second draft, please help me perfect my essay, I will be grateful for any feedback

[Lady K]

            Growing up in the rural area of South Eastern Nigeria was not much of a fun story to tell. An experience I had as a teen brought me down the path of becoming a Physician Assistant. The sun was already in its intensity that late morning. The atmosphere was so quiet as if the birds were afraid to sing. I stepped out onto our balcony to do my laundry. I brought out everything I needed, sat down and began to hand wash. Just as I held the second shirt to scrub the neckline, I heard a thundering noise from my neighbor’s house and I rushed in to know what was wrong with her. I was only fourteen years old then to realize that she was in labor. I watched her as she struggled in tears to make her way through the bathroom and sank herself in the warm water she prepared earlier. I offered to call for a cab to rush her to the hospital, but she waived her hand in the air as a sign not to bother. I couldn’t leave her alone, but I wasn’t prepared to encounter what was ahead of me.

           The agony in her eyes was not easy to look upon. I squatted in front of her and she told me what to do. When I saw the baby’s head coming out, I wanted to run away and call other women that were more experienced than I am, but she wouldn’t let me. The moment the baby came out; there was silence in the room. She tapped the baby to make him cry, but there was no sound. She had a stillbirth. I looked at the lifeless precious tiny body and felt a sudden thrust through my heart.  That night, the memory of both mother and child filled in every fiber of my being and I asked God under my breath to help me become a Physician someday to be able to provide a proper care for women and children.

            In my senior year in High School, I was looking forward to studying medicine in one of the best universities in Nigeria. That dream was elevated when I got my visa to travel to United States and got into college after two years of repeating high school due to my age. I was fortunate to get involved in the women’s and gender studies program. I wanted to study women’s healthcare and reproduction. I took couple of health classes including reproduction classes, areas in women’s health, the effect of religion on women’s health and issues and also did my six months internship at a domestic violence center before I graduated. With my BA degree, I wanted to incorporate it in the medical field and build my knowledge more in medicine.            

           As a college graduate, I worked as a counselor in an adoption agency which is designed to help many young girls that were pregnant, had children go back to school and help them with their career path. I also had a job as a real estate agent that allowed me to meet a wide range of personalities.  Both of these jobs had helped me with opportunities to connect with people from all works of life. These jobs also helped me to develop communication skills, learned to gain trust from my clients and taught me how to be reliable. These skills proved useful in my current medical career. As a Dialysis Technician, I had the opportunity to communicate with PAs frequently and worked alongside with them in providing the best care for our patients. I found it intriguing at the roles a PA play in working independently and also as a team with Physicians and nurses in decision making to provide the best quality care necessary for patients. I wanted to be one of these PAs, so I began to ask questions. I interviewed three different PAs and got great feedbacks that motivated me to further my studies. I enrolled in school to take prerequisites courses for PA program. I did my researches and attended every healthcare job/ educational fair held in my school which helped to improve my understanding about opportunities, growth and flexibilities in PA field.

         I often look back and reflect on my journey from my country to United States and my past experiences that have led me to where I am today. I have made mistakes in my past especially in my educational path, but have refused to allow my past experiences to be an obstacle in my future. I know that becoming a PA one day would open many doors of opportunities and I intend upon completing a Physician Assistant program, to dedicate myself in the women’s healthcare as well as have other opportunities to grow. Best of all, I will have the opportunity not just working or observing PA, but be a part of the team as a PA in decision makings to provide the quality care for patients.

[paproof]

You spend a lot of time on the first story (almost half of your essay) and you don't really say what steered you away from becoming a physician.  Your story sounds very unique, as far as where you've come from, etc, and I might spend a little more time talking about going back to nigeria (if you desire) and how you want to help the people there with your wealth of knowledge from a more developed nation.  Overall it's pretty good though.