1st draft -- any suggestion or comment would be appreciated.

[bpcardona]

 This is my first attempt at my Personal Narrative. Just want some opinions on it. Thanks in advanved. 

 

Most applicants might say that they have always wanted to be a physician assistant (PA). They might write that they have always known that this was their calling. I can't say the same. For me the decision to become a PA was an evolutionary process. Fresh out of high school, I knew very little of what career path I would take, but I knew I wanted a higher education. I jumped at the chance to become the first college graduate in my family and enrolled in my local community college. At first my major was unclear, but ultimately decided on a business degree. At first I was motived and completed course after course, but felt something missing. My grades slipped with each semester, and ultimately ended with a hiatus from school. I used this time to sort out  career paths, and decided on real estate. I chose this path because of the human interaction involved in real estate. I was drawn to the idea of gaining trust and helping people through a major life event. I went back to college and finished my Associates in Arts with a new passion. I sold real estate for a few years and enjoyed being there for families during this stressful event. Despite this new fulfillment, I still felt I could do more. 

 

One day, while helping a client obtain financing for his new home, we began a discussion regarding his career. My client described a profession in which he met people that were at their worst, and he helped them through it. He was detailing the job of an Invasive Cardiovascular Technologist. I learned he was part of a team that helped save the lives of those patients having heart attacks. We finished that day, and I went home unable to shake our discussion. Very soon after that conversation I was in a cardiac catheterization lab shadowing him. That day something happened: my calling was heard, a fire was lit, and my journey began. This journey would require more schooling, but I knew it would be worth it. For the first time I was excited to attend school in order learn about the human body, knowing that I could use that knowledge to affect lives in a positive way. Once my clinical rotations began the passion only grew. Each day I would interact with patients, becoming more and more involved with their care. It was through these clinical experiences that I decided I wanted to become more. I witnessed the relationship between doctors and there PAs, and was drawn to the team work employed. In talking with PAs  I grew an appreciation for their role in the care of patients. I watched as PAs drew on the knowledge to help in the treatment of critical ill patients. I knew then that I was going to be a Physicians Assistant.

 

 

I continued in my program to become an Invasive Cardiovascular Technologist, but also enrolled in classes that would earn me a Bachelors Degree. I decided on a degree in Biochemistry because I knew that it would bolster my understanding of the human body. Once I graduated from the Cardiovascular program I was quickly hired by my clinical site. As a full time employee it was hard to manage being a full time student as well, but the growing passion gave me strength. I was able to complete my undergraduate work in Biochemistry with a minor in Biophysics. I knew that this combination of degrees would allow me to approach the physical and biologic aspects of specific diseases and conditions with a deeper understanding. Through working as a Cath Lab Tech, I was able to be part of a team that saves lives on a regular basis. I have helped scared and nervous patients find comfort. I have been charged with delivering good news and bad news to the families of patients. Each of these experience has prepared me for my future as a PA. 

 

Despite not always knowing I wanted to become a Physician Assistant, the underlining desire was always the same. It is clear to me that I have always wanted to help others. I have always had a desire to help people through major life events, whether it be financial or medical. Despite the delay they have caused, I do not regret my past careers. In fact, I would say that I am grateful for them. As a young college student I worked in a customer service role that allowed me to meet a wide range of personalities. I was able to develop communication skills that will prove invaluable as a PA. My career as a real estate agent provided me with opportunities to connect with people on a very intimate level. I learned how to gain trust and ask personal questions, that without grace would be insulting. This skill has proven useful in my current medical career and surely will help as a PA. Most of all, my current occupation has allowed me to grow as a medical professional. I have learned the importance of the relationship developed between patient and medical staff. In my future career as a Physician Assistant, I take with me a wealth of experience gathered from the path that lead me here.

 

 

 

 

 

[fakingpatience]

I think you have an excellent start here.  A small grammatical change I noticed, instead of "critical ill" it should be "critically ill."  I would also emphasize more on wanting to be more than invasive cardiovascular tech.  You mention it as a short add on to a sentence, but it really helps describe why you want to go to PA school.  Also, be cautious of including new ideas in your conclusion.  The communication skills are good to mention, but work them in earlier, and add a new conclusion.      Were your grades poor earlier in college?  It sounds like they may have been, but I like how you explained it in the beginning without sounding like you were making excuses.  

[stephenpac]

The opening is strong, but you have gone on a bit and repeated some of your thoughts. You can make some cuts here in the first few sentences (possibly eliminating "They might write that they have always known that this was their calling. I can't say the same") You can tighten up the body content to get to your points faster, or else you are in danger of losing your reader. Take a careful look at your words and see what is absolutely necessary and try to get rid of the rest. It is a good essay, just needs some editing... I know, this is always the hardest part. 

 

- Stephen

[jcastro805]

I noticed that you ended the second paragraph with "Physicians Assistant". That is one of the biggest pet peeves in the profession.