lmatl01 Posted October 15, 2014 Share Posted October 15, 2014 Like I said, first draft just wanting some feedback. Thanks in advance! After years of participating in individual sports, primarily running and swimming, I have come to realize that there are two kinds of participants: those who simply go through the motions and those that push themselves far past their comfort zone to do things the average person will not. Possessing the mental strength to push past these boundaries has not only helped me be a successful athlete, it will allow me to reach my ultimate goal: becoming a Physician Assistant. The most rewarding experience of my undergraduate career occurred while shadowing doctors in the emergency room at the local hospital. The most pivotal moment on my journey to becoming a PA occurred during my first week of shadowing, I witnessed my first death. The day was relatively calm, however, in a heartbeat that all changed. The nurses started to rush around, grabbing supplies, setting up the cardiac room, the patient was in cardiac arrest and had an estimated arrival of two minutes. During the preparation the Emergency Department Manager handed me a clipboard, pen and instructions. Once the patient arrived at the hospital, it was my duty to observe the patient and record every procedure and medication administered. Before I had a second to process the manager’s requests, the patient came rolling in: one paramedic pushing the bed while another is on top performing CPR. Then reality hit me, this man was the cafeteria manager at the hospital as well as my teammate’s father. Epinephrine was administered, the defibrillator was used, and the cycle was repeated. After several minutes of failed attempts to restart the patient’s heart I documented my last notation, the time of death. I had just faced one of the most surreal aspects in medicine. Although my part in the case was diminutive, I was able to demonstrate my ability to stay calm and level-headed during a life or death situation. This crucial incident helped me to ascertain that medicine was the profession I wanted to pursue. Currently working at Mercy Hospital Springfield-Medical ICU, a much larger hospital, I have gained responsibility of direct patient care. From taking vitals, to comforting a patient with Lennox-Gastaut Syndrome and her family, my drive for practicing medicine has only gotten stronger. Saving lives, curing illnesses, and improving the quality of life are what most believe to be true of when they think of hospital staff, and they are correct, I experienced all of this during my volunteering in the Emergency Room and the responsibilities of the MICU. Throughout my time at Drury University I have increased my interest in science along with my drive to help others. Surrounding myself with others who have similar goals in organizations, such as the Pre-Health Professions club has fueled my desire to make a positive influence on people’s lives. Whether it is packing meals at the Convoy of Hope or giving tours of the campus to Drury alumni, my passion for helping others will always be a priority. No matter where medicine takes me, I am looking forward to the benefits it has to offer. I have been successful in athletics, now I will take that motivation and channel it towards being a quality PA both in a hospital setting as well as my community. Becoming a PA, will enable me to fully exploit my goal to utilize my education and follow my passion for creating a better society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paproof Posted October 16, 2014 Share Posted October 16, 2014 You don't really focus on why you want to be a PA though... the main focus is the story of the pt nearly dying rather than the "drive" you emphasize in the first paragraph. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmatl01 Posted October 22, 2014 Author Share Posted October 22, 2014 Thanks for the feedback! Reading other comments on here that is what I have picked up on. Would you recommend cutting down the second paragraph and emphasize more on the drive? I was very confused on how to demonstrate my drive while showing who I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fakingpatience Posted October 25, 2014 Share Posted October 25, 2014 I agree with the above advice. You never really say why you want to become a PA. Yes, you witnessed a death in the ER, but how did that make you want to go into medicine? Also, you say that while shadowing ER doctors is when you decided you wanted to become a PA. Why PA and not MD or RN? Personally, I would scrap the sentence "Saving lives, curing illnesses, and improving the quality of life...", a bit too hero mentality ish; focusing on the last part of it, the improving quality of life would sound much more humble and realistic. I also get the impression from your essay that you're very young, which probably isn't the side you want to show the admissions committees I like the ideas you're starting with, but there needs to be more transition between ideas. Good for you for starting this nice and early rather than rushing to get it done later next year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmatl01 Posted October 27, 2014 Author Share Posted October 27, 2014 Thanks for your advice! I agree the question why I want to be a PA is not really explained. I will revise it and put that in. I am still confused about how to put in my statement that I want to be a PA as opposed to MD or RN. Also, thanks for pointing out the heroic statement that helps! I am fairly young, how did you pick up on that? How could I change that? Any suggestions would be great! Thanks for your help! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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