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need help! first time to apply! I am terrible with grammer


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  I was four years old and cold not yet fathom that children could be so ill. It was not until my little brother was born that I saw what pain, heart-ache, and illness meant. I was a naïve four year old who did not understand why my parents kept shuffling me around from one doctor's office to another. I recall vivid images of my mother crying as she changed the dressings from my brothers surgery. I remember the pain Brady was in as I tried to pick him up and spin him around. Little did I know that having a little brother with Hirschsprung's disease, autism, and colon polyps would send me on a journey full of ups and downs.
 This journey would be the start of a love affair with the medical field. My love would continue to grow as saw my mother undergo two brain surgeries.  I watched as my mother struggled daily to win back her life. I saw her fall, lose self control, and emotionally give up. I witnessed as the doctors struggled to diagnose her and saw the compassion in their eyes to help. This was the same compassion that I was also embraced with when broke several bones, had spinal meningitis twice, and battled skin cancer. This compassion along with an unyielding determination to improve my life and those around me was awe inspiring.
  I quickly set out on a mission to discover in which direction my love affair with the medical community would send me in. Upon shadowing occupational therapists, ultrasound technicians, nurse practitioners, medical doctors, and physician assistants, my answer soon became clear. The level of autonomy along with the opportunity to work alongside physicians was exactly the career I desired.  I saw in myself many of the qualities being an outstanding Physician Assistant demands. A Physician Assistant must be compassionate and understanding. Dealing with personal illness, as well as, seeing loved ones battle illness has created within me a caring heart. I find myself always striving to help those around me and lend a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. Volunteering with several organizations has created a fiery compassion for those around me. I delight in watching as my efforts to help establish new found in hope for others.
  Determination is a key quality in being a Physician Assistant.  I fully understand the rigorous academic requirements of a becoming a Physician Assistant. Getting good grades does not come easy to me. Dealing with personal illness has made my academic endeavors look bleak at times. However, an underlying determination to achieve my goals and continue on my journey has started a fire within me to retake my dreaded enemy, chemistry. Physician Assistants must be willing and determined to learn from failure.  They must be willing to try again and again to elevate the health of their patients. A physician Assistant must also be a hard worker. The job requires many energy expending labor hours while remaining focused. I have developed this level of work ethic. During my college and high school careers, I have continuously had a job.  At some periods of time I have maintained working forty hour work weeks while still attending school.
 A Physicians Assistant must be a leader in the medical community.  As a leader on the management team at Bath and Body Works I understand all too well what this means. I have often been faced with conflict among co-workers and customers. A leader must understand how to work well with other and find resolutions. During the week of what is known in retail as Black Friday, customers are at their worst.  There have been many times in which I have had to greet unpleasant situations with a smile and lead my fellow workers by example.
 Like every love story,this love story is not without flaws.  As I look back at my life, I desire deeply to study harder for certain tests, say the words that could not always leave my mouth, and do the things I could not find the courage to do. I embrace the ending of one journey with a positive outlook upon life. Physician Assistant school will not come without hard times, but my desire to couple my love of people, biology, and medicene gives me strength to perservere. 
 
 

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I was four years old and cold (Could) not yet fathom that children could be so ill. It was not until my little brother was born that I saw what pain, heart-ache, and illness meant. I was a naïve four year old who did not understand why my parents kept shuffling me around from one doctor's office to another. I recall vivid images of my mother crying as she changed the dressings from my brothers surgery. I remember the pain Brady was in as I tried to pick him up and spin him around. Little did I know that having a little brother with Hirschsprung's disease, autism, and colon polyps would send me on a journey full of ups and downs.
 This journey would be the start of a love affair with the medical field. My love would continue to grow as saw my mother undergo two brain surgeries.  I watched as my mother struggled daily to win back her life. I saw her fall, lose self control, and emotionally give up. I witnessed as the doctors struggled to diagnose her and saw the compassion in their eyes to help. This was the same compassion that I was also embraced with when broke several bones, had spinal meningitis twice, and battled skin cancer. This compassion along with an unyielding determination to improve my life and those around me was awe inspiring. (I would tie the first two paragraphs into one and also mention how this experience shaped you to be the compassionate and caring person you are and motivated you to seek a career as a PA)

  I quickly set out on a mission to discover in which direction my love affair with the medical community would send me in. Upon shadowing occupational therapists, ultrasound technicians, nurse practitioners, medical doctors, and physician assistants, my answer soon became clear. The level of autonomy along with the opportunity to work alongside physicians was exactly the career I desired.  I saw in myself many of the qualities being an outstanding Physician Assistant demands (What are these qualities?). A Physician Assistant must be compassionate and understanding. Dealing with personal illness, as well as, seeing loved ones battle illness has created within me a caring heart. I find myself always striving to help those around me and lend a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen. Volunteering with several organizations has created a fiery compassion for those around me. I delight in watching as my efforts to help establish new found in hope for others. (What did you learn from your shadowing  and volunteering experience and how has this experience motivated you to become a PA )
  Determination is a key quality in being a Physician Assistant. (I would delete this or re-word)
  I fully understand the rigorous academic requirements of a becoming a Physician Assistant. Getting good grades does not come easy to me. Dealing with personal illness has made my academic endeavors look bleak at times. However, an underlying determination to achieve my goals and continue on my journey has started a fire within me to retake my dreaded enemy, chemistry. Physician Assistants must be willing and determined to learn from failure They must be willing to try again and again to elevate the health of their patients. A physician Assistant must also be a hard worker. The job requires many energy expending labor hours while remaining focused. (I would delete this or re-work. I don’t think it’s necessary to state that a PA has to have  the above attributes. I think it is important for you to show that you have the attributes ). I have developed this level of work ethic. During my college and high school careers, I have continuously had a job.  At some periods of time I have maintained working forty hour work weeks while still attending school.
 A Physicians Assistant must be a leader in the medical community.  As a leader on the management team at Bath and Body Works I understand all too well what this means. I have often been faced with conflict among co-workers and customers. A leader must understand how to work well with other and find resolutions. During the week of what is known in retail as Black Friday, customers are at their worst.  There have been many times in which I have had to greet unpleasant situations with a smile and lead my fellow workers by example. (I do think this adds much to your narrative)

 Like every love story,this love story is not without flaws.  As I look back at my life, I desire deeply to study harder for certain tests, say the words that could not always leave my mouth, and do the things I could not find the courage to do. I embrace the ending of one journey with a positive outlook upon life. Physician Assistant school will not come without hard times, but my desire to couple my love of people, biology, and medicene gives me strength to perservere. 
 

 

I feel like you have a good strory but I am not sure you are telling it well.
 

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