Feedback / Critique Greatly Appreciated!

[vsbeaton]

Below is my personal narrative. I would be grateful for any feedback. Thank you!

 

I like to think that I did not grow up as a cliché child with early medical aspirations: with a child’s doctor kit in one hand and my unwilling sister in the other. I did not know what I wanted to be when I grew up. In fact, I hardly remember myself at a young age. However, what I do remember is copious amounts of Barbie’s and creating my own adventures in the backyard of my middle-of-nowhere Kentucky home. My parents often told me that I would be a NASCAR driver because I was a fearless, curly-haired, wild child who enjoyed a challenge. To these days, I still love a challenge, although my NASCAR dreams have long since faded.

My medical aspirations began with stories of the Emergency Department and Intensive Care Unit from my mom, who is a Registered Nurse. I was fascinated with the human body and took every health related class in high school, which led to my CNA class. Later, I began seeing a Physician Assistant, PA, at the clinic at NC State. I was interested to see how a PA would interact in a one-on-one setting with a patient; I loved my PA. She took the time to answer every question I had, and she did not make me feel rushed. It is impossible to remember the exact moment in which I realized that PA was the path that I wanted to take. However, my experiences in the clinical setting, and especially the time I have spent shadowing PAs, have only served to enhance my commitment to the profession. I am not interested in becoming a PA because I lack the drive or desire to go to medical school; I am applying today because the PA field is exactly where my passion lies. 

One facet of my desire to be in medicine is the challenge and fluidity of the field; one advancement and the whole atmosphere of patient care may change. In the three and a half years that I have been a CNA, Certified Nursing Assistant, I have learned to work through challenging situations in order to provide quality patient care. The ability to persevere through the difficult times has proven how the effort becomes well worth the reward. The same is true for the Physician Assistant, PA, program. Additionally, I want to be a mid-level healthcare provider because of the potential to provide healthcare in communities that may have fewer options for care. There are millions of people, including members of my own family, who are still uninsured and unable to afford healthcare. I would hope to spend some of my time as a PA in a medically underserved community or critical access area. As a member of the healthcare team, PAs have more time to treat, educate and discuss prevention methods, which may ultimately impact affordability and accessibility.

A significant reason that I know I am ready for the challenge of PA school is the recognition of the development in my maturity. I came into college prepared, determined and well aware of what I would have to do to be successful. However, during my sophomore year I hit a bump in the road. I felt confident with how I performed and became overly confident in myself. I told myself that I had a solid understanding of concepts that I did not grasp fully; this led to a less than favorable performance in my classes for those two semesters. I cannot turn back the clock on those two semesters; however, I don’t know if I would. I gained an invaluable understanding of both myself and my learning style. 

[SB23]

You Have A Section "Cna, certified nursing assistant" also "physician assistant, PA".

I think this is a bit odd. I would just spell out the whole word the first time you use it in the personal statement. After that you can just abbreviat.

 

Also this next part is confusing.

 

"One facet of my desire to be in medicine is the challenge and fluidity of the field; one advancement and the whole atmosphere of patient care may change. In the three and a half years that I have been a CNA, Certified Nursing Assistant, I have learned to work through challenging situations in order to provide quality patient care"

 

It's a bit confusing, I had to read it a couple of times and I'm still not quite sure what you mean.

 

Also maybe you can break the last paragraph into 2 paragraphs, one that explains the grades and your maturity and the last paragraph as a conclusion that wraps everything up

[vsbeaton]

Thank you so much for your feedback!! :)

 

I have edited the first section to: 

One aspect of my desire to be in the medical field is the ever-evolving nature of care. In the three and a half years that I have been a Certified Nursing Assistant, I have learned to work through challenging situations in order to provide quality patient care. 

 

The last paragraph:

A significant reason that I know I am ready for the challenge of PA school is the recognition of the development in my maturity. I came into college prepared, determined and well aware of what I would have to do to be successful. However, during my sophomore year I hit a bump in the road. I felt confident with how I performed and became overly confident in myself. I told myself that I had a solid understanding of concepts that I did not grasp fully; this led to a less than favorable performance in my classes for those two semesters. However, from this experience, I have gained an invaluable understanding of both my learning style and myself. The combination of my work experience, desire to serve the community through medicine and determination to succeed make me an excellent candidate for the upcoming PA school class. 

[SB23]

I personally wouldn't talk about your bad grades in the last paragraph. Thats the last thing the committee will read.  You can have a paragraph on your 

education, maturity ect where you briefly explain you grade and move on to explaining how you improved and learned form your mistakes. Reserve the last paragraph

for wrapping the PS up and restating why you want to be a PA. 

 

another point that I read somewhere on this site was that the committee doesn't care about why you didn't want to be an MD, NP ect. They want to know why PA.