What do we think??? Edited a few times...

[tfrering]

In 2011, college began. Starting out as a chemical engineer seemed logical to me; I was a first generation college student, had always excelled in math and enjoyed aspects of science. Quickly I realized that I had no passion for math and therefore, no passion for my classes or becoming a chemical engineer. Those first couple semesters did however help me to reassess and explore the various options with which the scientific background makes available. Starting back at square one, I decided to pursue a Bachelor of Science in Animal Biology. The appeal came from the rigorous coursework and the idea of helping those around me, whether that be animal or human. The degree also contained flexibility in additional educational and occupational opportunities from Veterinarian to Medical Doctor to even Physician Assistant. Discovering my niche was important; it would allow me to be passionate about my education while challenging myself to perform on an increased intellectual intensity.

 

In November of 2012, a loved one of mine was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Throughout the progression of the disease I began to learn in-depth about the field of medicine and my interest blossomed. During this difficult time medicine became an interesting and satiating distraction from the harsh reality with which I was dealing. What little downtime hours I had were spent in numerous hospital and hotel rooms researching opportunities available in the medical field or working rather than studying for exams or research for my studies. Unintentionally, I had been given the opportunity to experience the impact of every member of such an intricate system from RNs, PCAs, PAs and Physicians. I learned their range of duties, specialties and responsibilities, all proving to be vastly different yet sophisticatedly intertwined. Unfortunately, the serendipity of my passion for medicine came incongruence with tragedy. After months of battling, the cancer culminated. My loved ones death left me alone in an exhausted, defeated, and perplexing place with falling grades. While still heartbroken, I attempted to interpret the circumstances as revolutionary, more of a denotation to pursue a career in medicine and a way to remember and represent my loved ones impact on my life. I found the Physician Assistant profession to interlock both my passion of medicine and the importance of relationships and patients seamlessly. So full steam I dove into the process of becoming a PA.

 

Rapidly, my grades began to improve and a year sooner than most, graduation from the University of Florida was upon me. Less than a month after graduation I begin working in the Intensive Care Unit as a Certified Nursing Assistant. The occupation gave me an excellent chance to learn about the PA profession thoroughly, by working alongside various PAs and using the opportunity to shadow others of varying specialties. The ICU has only strengthened my sense of compassion in providing me a wide realm of situations, not one the same and yet everyone just as important as the last. I have cared for patients with ranging conditions from diabetic ketoacidosis (DKA), hypotension, cerebrovascular accident (CVA), cardiac arrest, post-operation from carotids to femoropopliteal bypasses, radiation accidents, intubations, ALS, numerous code blues and everything in between. Working in the ICU, residing in a teaching hospital, has coincidentally exposed me to the developmental relationship between residents and their attending physicians. The situation provides a conducive learning environment by having the ability to ask questions and progress in skill set within the comforts of physician tutelage while establishing trust and communication skills, similar to that of the physician-physician assistant relationship. Furthermore, the idea of being able to dabble into all areas of medicine is alluring because it would allow me to gather a variety of proficiencies and specializations under prospective physicians. Throughout my career I may accumulate multiple areas of specializations instead of simply just one as in other healthcare professions, while also growing in independence.

 

While working almost fifty hours a week in addition to taking multiple courses vital to PA school, I have accentuated my determination and ability to juggle a rigorous schedule. Applying the information learned in the classroom to the workplace has helped me to not only retain the material but see the relevance in everyday life. Yet, through research experience I have acquired diagnostic, critical-thinking, oral and written communication skills. Each of the acquired skills, along with my ability to analyze situations swiftly and proficiently will allow for a dexterous translation into medicine. I yearn for the time when I, as a PA will make a substantial difference on the ultimate outcome of patient and believe I possess the qualities to do just that.

[SB23]

Overall the PS is well organized and addresses the question of why you want to be a PA.

 

The last 2 paragraphs are very strong.

 

 

Here are some things that didn't quite sound right. 

I didn't like the introduction to the letter. Seemed dry and short. Not much of an intro.  An intro to a letter like this is hard, it took me a while to figure mine out.  The intro doesn't have to be spectacular or start with a bang, maybe something in between.

I don't know if you need to explain why you pursued a career as a Veterinarian but I personally wouldn't if I don't have to. it seems like your comparing 

Veterinary school with medicine and I don't think its a good point to make. ( I used to work with a Russian Attending  that would tell his Residents "you are the best for veterinary clinic" in a mocking way)

 

I also wouldn't bring up the bad grades again like you did in the paragraph with the loved one dying. From what I've read, explaining a bad grade should be short and sweet. 

I wouldn't make another point of it in another paragraph.  

 

you can possibly try to make the paragraph about you loved one dying more emotional. For example talk how you noticed that The PA taking care of your loved one would always check up on him and spend lots of time with him. Maybe something like this "the PA was very compassionate and showed it by spending lots of time with X and explaining all the options and all the labs ect, ext. Maybe explain how family was comforted and cared for by the medical staff and this was appealing to pursue medicine.