Final Personal Statement and still over the limit. Any help is greatly appreciated!

[jshepherd89]

“Alright Jennifer, take a deep breath in, and blow it out, and hold it out.” I explained to the drowsy eyed

patient receiving a pre operative chest x-ray. I noticed her eyes rolling into the back of her head while 

she began to fall back towards the x-ray tube. Instinctively, my reflexes kicked in and I was there to 

catch her at the last second. “Are you alright ma’am?” “Yes” she stated. “All of a sudden I just felt like 

I was going to pass out, I shouldn’t have skipped breakfast this morning!” Jennifer is the first patient I 

helped in desperate need, and remains a constant reminder to pay close attention to patients no matter 

how trivial the task may be. This instant gratification of saving her from potential head trauma makes 

me yearn for a more vital role in healthcare where I am able to monitor the patients overall well being 

as a physician assistant (PA).

 

The radiography program I attended at Tidewater Community College (TCC) consisted of long clinical 

hours mixed with rigorous didactic courses that provided me with the skills and motivation to continue 

my education, while introducing me to the satisfaction that comes with delivering optimal medical care 

to patients. After completing my associate degree I enrolled at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) 

to pursue a bachelor’s degree in radiography. I secured a full time position with the VCU dental school 

as a radiologic technologist (RT). During this experience, I discovered my passion for working directly 

with others by incorporating my education and clinical knowledge. Although I enjoyed working alongside 

dental students I know I can only utilize my full potential if I am able to demonstrate my passion of 

medicine and provide, educate, and care for patients as a physician assistant. 

 

During my last semester, I accepted an RT position working with Dr. Carl B. Weiss, an Orthopedic 

Surgeon. This was my first experience working directly with a physician, and Dr. Weiss gave me the 

opportunity to do a lot more than obtain diagnostic radiographs. Under the direct supervision of Dr. 

Weiss, I was introduced to how a private medical practice operates. This is where I was taught the 

skills to collect and measure vital signs as well as identify alerts in patients’ medical histories. The role I 

played resembled a PA working collaboratively with the physician in a private practice setting. Dr. Weiss 

would typically see 17 patients in a morning, which allowed little room for error from his staff. If I was 

not taking an x-ray or interviewing a patient, I was often called to assist the physician with a cortisone 

injection or to explain to a patient how their new post-operative knee brace functions. 

 

One encounter stands out in particular while working with Dr. Weiss. A young man named Darrell came 

into the office one morning for a follow up appointment after what seemed like a diesel mechanic’s 

worst nightmare. He had been working alongside a hydraulic hose when it suddenly burst and injected 

hydraulic oil into the palm of his left hand. Not understanding the severity of the situation, Darrell 

attempted to keep working until his co-worker noticed and immediately rushed him to the hospital. 

With the patient’s hand still severely inflamed following surgery, it was now time to remove the packing 

from where the wound had been irrigated with copious amounts of normal saline solution and then 

packed open under general anesthesia. With Dr. Weiss removing the packing from the wound along 

with any remaining necrotic tissue in his hand, I could immediately sense the patient’s level of pain as 

tears began to gently roll down his cheek. I decided to talk to the patient and empathize with him to 

take his mind off of the excruciating pain he was in. Once the wound had been thoroughly cleaned and 

a new bandage properly applied, Darrell thanked me with a sense of relief and graciously responded 

that perhaps his next follow up appointment would be even less traumatic. Over several weeks I was 

ecstatic to see his progress and eventually his ability to gain full strength back in his left hand. The sense 

of teamwork that Dr. Weiss and I had accomplished felt as if I was an Orthopedic PA working alongside 

the physician helping in a major part of this man’s recovery. While working at the orthopedic surgeon’s 

office, I strengthened my patient skills and learned what it takes to accomplish a goal while working 

diligently as a team. 

 

The drive I have to practice as a PA grows stronger each day that I am able to help provide the highest of 

care to patients in need. I have made many sacrifices and am ready to make many more in order to fulfill 

my ideal occupation where I will be incorporating science, health, and medicine with teamwork and 

patient care. Even after 5,000 hours of healthcare experience, I am still amazed at the variety of patients 

and the clinical challenges that I face each and every day. These healthcare experiences I have gained 

so far prove that I am devoted and an extremely diligent worker. These traits, together with my strong 

academic foundation, clinical experience, work ethic and loyalty to patient care, demonstrate how I will 

be an essential addition to the PA profession. I am confident and have proven through my journey thus 

far that I will excel in my future endeavors as a PA.

[Topsy]

“Alright Jennifer, take a deep breath in, and blow it out, and hold it out, (comma, not period)” I explained to the drowsy eyed patient receiving a pre operative chest x-ray. I noticed her eyes rolling into Her eyes rolled to the back of her head while she began to fall back towards the x-ray tube. Instinctively, Suddenly, my reflexes kicked in and I was there to catch her at the last second. “Are you alright ma’am?” “Yes” she stated. “All of a sudden I just felt like I was going to pass out. (period or semicolon, not comma) I shouldn’t have skipped breakfast this morning!” Jennifer is the first patient I helped in desperate need (this sounds like you were the one in desperate need; I would switch it around: Jennifer is the first patient in deperate need who I immediately helped.), and remains a constant reminder to pay close attention to patients no matter how trivial the task may be. This instant gratification of saving her from potential head trauma makes 

me yearn for a more vital role in healthcare where I am able to monitor the patients' (possessive) overall well being 

as a physician assistant (PA).

 

The radiography program I attended at Tidewater Community College (TCC) (unnecessary to dub it TCC because you don't mention it again) consisted of long clinical hours mixed with rigorous didactic courses that provided me with the skills and motivation to continue my education, while introducing me to the satisfaction that comes with delivering optimal medical care to patients (this sentence is super long). After completing my associate degree I enrolled at Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) to pursue a bachelor’s degree in radiography. I secured a full time position with the VCU dental school as a radiologic technologist (RT). During this experience, I discovered my passion for working directly with others by incorporating my education and clinical knowledge. Although I enjoyed working alongside dental students I know I can only utilize my full potential if I am able to demonstrate my passion of medicine and provide, educate, and care for patients as a physician assistant (mixed tenses - make all past or all present).  (this last part is unnecessary; get straight to the orthopedic stuff)

 

During my last semester, I accepted an RT position working with Dr. Carl B. Weiss, an Orthopedic Surgeon. This was my first experience working directly with a physician, and Dr. Weiss gave me the opportunity to do a lot more than obtain diagnostic radiographs. Under his the direct supervision of Dr. Weiss, I was introduced to how a private medical practice operates (passive; change to active). This is where I was taught the I learned numerous skills, such as obtaining vital signs and identifying alerts when taking patients' medical histories. to collect and measure vital signs as well as identify alerts in patients’ medical histories. The role I played resembled a PA working collaboratively with the physician in a private practice setting. Dr. Weiss would typically see 17 patients in a morning, which allowed little room for error from his staff. If I was not taking an x-ray or interviewing a patient, I was often called to assist the physician with a I often assisted physicians with cortisone injections or to explain explained post-operative knee brace functions to patients how their new. It was a busy clinic, which allowed little room for error; it was invigorating because I finally felt like an integral part of a medical team.

 

I especially felt a passion for healthcare and a connection to the medical team when working with a diesel mechanic named Darrell. One encounter stands out in particular while working with Dr. Weiss. A young man named Darrell came into the office one morning for a follow up appointment; after what seemed like a diesel mechanic’s worst nightmare. He had been working alongside a hydraulic hose when it suddenly burst, and injecting hydraulic oil into the palm of his left hand. Not understanding the severity of the situation, Darrell attempted to keep working until his co-worker noticed and immediately rushed him to the hospital. With the patient’s hand still severely inflamed following surgery, it was time to remove the packing and necrotic tissue from his wound. it was now time to remove the packing from where the wound had been irrigated with copious amounts of normal saline solution and then packed open under general anesthesia. With Dr. Weiss removing the packing from the wound along with any remaining necrotic tissue in his hand, I could immediately sense the patient’s level of pain as tears began to gently roll down his cheek. Tears rolled down his cheek as the procedure progressed; to take his mind off the pain, I talked to him about (sports? the weather? what?) I decided to talk to the patient and empathize with him to take his mind off of the excruciating pain he was in. Once the wound had been thoroughly cleaned and a new bandage properly applied, Darrell thanked me with a sense of relief and graciously responded that perhaps his next follow up appointment would be even less traumatic. Over several weeks I was ecstatic to see his progress and eventually his ability to gain full strength back in his left hand. The sense of teamwork that Dr. Weiss and I had accomplished felt as if I was an Orthopedic PA working alongside the physician helping in a major part of this man’s recovery. While working at the orthopedic surgeon’s office, I strengthened my patient skills and learned what it takes to accomplish a goal while working diligently as a team. 

 

The drive I have to practice as a PA grows stronger each day that I am able to help provide the highest of care to patients in need. I have made many sacrifices and am ready to make many more in order to fulfill my ideal occupation where I will be incorporating science, health, and medicine with teamwork and patient care. Even after 5,000 hours of healthcare experience, I am still amazed at the variety of patients and the clinical challenges that I face each and every day. These healthcare experiences I have gained so far prove that I am devoted and an extremely diligent worker. These traits, together with my strong academic foundation, clinical experience, work ethic and loyalty to patient care, demonstrate how I will be an essential addition to the PA profession. I am confident and have proven through my journey thus far that I will excel in my future endeavors as a PA.

 

 

 

 

I think this is a good start. There's more in here about Dr. Weiss than any relevant stories about PA. The way it is written, it sounds like you're enthuiastic to work on a team, and have ample healthcare experience, but it leaves me wondering. What about shadowing experience? Or has a PA ever treated you? Or did you work beside a PA at the orthopedic clinic? Do you want to become an orthopedic PA? Tell me why PA is significant to you in other way than team work. If you addressed some of those questions, it would make your statement a lot stronger.