Final Draft. Any help would be awesome! Sorry to repost had to fix my spacing in my PS

[jshepherd89]

After graduating from high school in 2007 with a mediocre grade point average and no monetary aid for

college, I quickly realized if I wanted to pursue my dreams of becoming a healthcare professional I would 

have to take initiative and pave my own path. I have always been extremely interested in science and 

medicine, but it wasn't until my sophomore year in high school that I developed a passion for the human 

anatomy while taking a class on Anatomy and Sports Injury.

 

After considering multiple careers and realizing how expensive college was going to be, I decided to 

enroll at the local community college to pursue a two year degree in the field of radiography. I was 

accepted to the radiography program at Tidewater Community College, My first college course, Medical 

Terminology, sealed my interest in medicine and at that point I knew I was making the right decision to 

follow my passion and pursue a career in the healthcare profession. One day during my second year of 

the radiography program, I was training in the emergency department and as I arrived at the patient's 

room to take them back for their x-ray, I was prompted to wait while the physician assistant (PA) 

finished suturing the patient's knee. This was my first experience observing a PA, and I was extremely 

impressed with the PA’s attentiveness, interactions with the patient, and compassion. The PAs strong 

interpersonal skills left me with the desire to expand my role as a healthcare professional and created a 

strong drive to further my education to do the same. 

 

The radiography program consisted of long clinical hours mixed with rigorous didactic courses that 

provided me with the skills and motivation to continue my education, while introducing me to the 

satisfaction that comes with delivering optimal medical care to patients. Therefore, instead of settling 

on an associate's degree, I was determined to put all of my effort into obtaining a bachelor's degree. 

During my last two semesters in the radiography program, I began taking extra classes in order to apply 

to Virginia Commonwealth University's School of Allied Health Professions Department of Radiation 

Sciences. 

 

Shortly after enrolling at VCU, I was able to secure a full time position with the VCU School of Dentistry 

as a radiologic technologist. In this job, I was able to work alongside dental students and assist them 

to achieve diagnostic images. I was also providing teaching lectures and labs on normal radiographic 

anatomy and panoramic tomography. During this experience, I discovered my passion for working 

directly with patients and incorporating my education and clinical knowledge. The experience of working 

full time at VCU while going to school at night encouraged me towards my ultimate goal of becoming a 

PA.

 

Although my position as an educator at VCU was very rewarding, I realized that I missed personal 

contact with patients and was ready to get back into the clinical aspect of radiography. During my 

last semester at VCU, I accepted a radiologic technologist position working with Dr. Carl B. Weiss, 

an Orthopedic Surgeon in Mechanicsville, VA. This was my first experience working directly with a 

physician, and Dr. Weiss gave me the opportunity to do a lot more than obtain diagnostic radiographs. 

Under the direct supervision of Dr. Weiss, I was introduced to how a private medical practice is run

and was taught the skills to collect and measure vital signs as well as obtain brief medical histories. This 

new type of leadership role allowed me to gain insight into how a physician works in a private practice 

setting. Dr. Weiss would typically see approximately 17 patients in a morning, which allowed little room 

for error from his staff. If I was not taking an x-ray or interviewing a patient, I was often called to assist 

the physician with a simple cortisone injection or to explain to a patient how their new post-op knee 

brace properly functions. While working at the orthopedic surgeon's office, I strengthened my patient 

skills and learned what it takes to accomplish a goal while working diligently as a team. 

 

My commitment to becoming a PA grows stronger each day that I am able to provide optimal care to 

patients in need. I have made many sacrifices and am ready to make many more in order to fulfill my 

deepest desire of helping others. Even after 5,000 hours of healthcare experience, I am still amazed 

at the variety of patients and the clinical challenges that I face each and every day. These healthcare 

experiences I have gained so far prove that I am devoted and an extremely diligent worker. These traits, 

coupled with my work ethic and loyalty to patient care, demonstrate how I will be an essential addition 

to the PA profession. I am confident and have proven through my dedication, hard work, and diligence 

that I will excel in my future endeavors as a PA.

 

[nguim21]

I thnk if you provide just 1 or 2 examples of why you would enjoy being a PA, or how your recent position helping the doc would closely mimic being a PA would be more substantial.  Also, your opening statement doesn't grab the reader in...maybe start off with one example of how you were "knee-deep" in patient care and what you did and relate that to how you want to be a PA.  

[DiggySRNA]

What is missing here is your drive, your passion and your personal characteristics of what makes you, you. 

 

Try building on the personal conversations you had with a patient or how grateful you are for the experience. Your PS is hovering on the resume side and that is something you want to stay clear of.

 

If you can pin point a patient who you had a long conversation with about their life, their experiences, and how that made you feel as a person and as a radiologist, you will nail everything. You have great health care experience and it seems you survived some financial issues <- use this to your advantage.