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My final draft.


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Below is the final draft of my personal statement.  Any final tips or recommendations would be greatly appreciated.  Thanks for looking.

 

“I’m afraid I have some bad news,” are the last words a patient ever wants to hear from a doctor.  However these words led me to discover the physician assistant (PA) profession and my passion for providing care to others.  I was diagnosed with a large brain tumor in 2012, which required two surgeries to remove. Throughout the course of my treatment, I realized that a career in healthcare was the perfect combination of teamwork and independent problem solving that I had been searching for.

 

During the two week hospital stay following my second craniotomy, I discovered the PA profession through observing the infectious disease PAs who were consulting with my neurosurgeon and instantly fell in love with the collaborative nature of the job.  Through my conversations with them, and my own research on the profession, and its history, I learned that PAs are trained in a generalist model similar to doctors and are able to carry out many of the same duties as doctors.  In addition to being trained in a fashion similar to doctors, PAs also have the flexibility to move between various specialties in order meet the various needs within the healthcare system.  I find the adaptable nature of the profession incredibly appealing and perfectly suited to reach the ever increasing population of medically under-served.  Having the ability to autonomously build trusting relationships with patients and having the opportunity to empower them to take responsibility for their own health, while also having a supervising physician available to consult, is an ideal combination to me.

 

Last year was my first attempt at applying to PA programs and although I earned one interview, in the end I was not accepted.  Rather than becoming discouraged, I took the initiative of contacting the schools I had applied to requesting constructive criticism on how I could improve my application for this year.  Taking the feedback I received, I completed additional coursework, became more familiar with the PA profession though shadowing experiences, and have taken on more responsibilities as a Clinical Technician (CT) at Theda Clark Medical Center.  Although I was disappointed about not being accepted last year, this past year has allowed me to forge a deeper understanding of the PA profession and the characteristics needed to be an effective clinician.

 

Over this past year, I have moved into a full-time position at Theda Clark and have been put in charge of training newly hired CTs.  My responsibilities in this role include teaching how to assist patients with daily activities while promoting the safest level of patient independence, how to discern what changes in a patient’s condition need to be relayed to the nurse, and how to complete other various tasks according to standard work processes.  My experiences in training have allowed me to develop effective communication and teaching skills that are a necessity in the PA profession.  Through attending to my patients I have not only discovered an intense passion for providing care, but that the more a caregiver is able to show empathy and incorporate their questioning into a genuine conversation the more appreciative and open patients tend to be.  In addition, I have learned the power a sincere smile and small words of encouragement can have on a patient’s attitude toward even the most daunting tasks.  Both are lessons that can only be learned through extensive patient care experience and lead me to understand why programs look for students who have an extensive background in these positions.

 

Through my shadowing experiences, I have gained an understanding of the level of professionalism and teamwork required to be successful in the PA position.  The PA I observed took the time to provide patients with a detailed explanation of their diagnosis and plan of treatment in easily understood language, while also addressing the patient’s concerns.  Additionally the PA was responsible for explaining the care plan to nurses as well as the rationale behind any changes in orders.  As a PA, one is required to not only be a leader, but must also remain humble as the medical field is dynamic and requires a lifelong commitment to learning.

Reflecting on this past year, I believe my life, educational, and professional experiences have instilled in me the characteristics required to, not only complete the rigorous training to become a PA, but excel in the profession.  Throughout this past year, I have only become more driven to become a PA and begin serving others in the ever changing medical field.  I look forward to utilizing my skills, experiences, and passion for learning in my practice as a PA and hope to provide the same excellent care I was fortunate enough to receive.  

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Alright dude, you started things off with something in quotes.  That's always an easy way to draw people in and make them want to read more.  You proceeded to lose me immediately after the end of your quote when you switched to passive voice.  I stopped reading as soon as you wrote, "'...news,' are the last..."  I advise you to go through your entire statement and rewrite any sentence that has some conjugation of the verb "to be."  Strive for action!  Keep your words exciting and have some fun with verbs!

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Your first 5 sentences - NAILED IT!!! You totally drew me in.

 

But then I got sad. "I learned that PAs are trained in a generalist model similar to doctors and are able to carry out many of the same duties as doctors.  In addition to being trained in a fashion similar to doctors, PAs also have the flexibility to move between various specialties in order meet the various needs within the healthcare system." COMPLETELY cut this out. Why are you telling a PA program what PAs do??

 

But the sentence you followed up with? Great! "I find the adaptable nature of the profession incredibly appealing and perfectly suited to reach the ever increasing population of medically under-served.  Having the ability to autonomously build trusting relationships with patients and having the opportunity to empower them to take responsibility for their own health, while also having a supervising physician available to consult, is an ideal combination to me." I like this. But maybe explain WHY it is an ideal combination for you? 

 

I like how you bring up that you have already applied once, and did not give up. Rather, you took the initiative to get feedback from those programs. Then...I don't understand why you started to quote your resume and working at Theda Clark. The programs can clearly see what your responsibilities where in your work experience area (unless you are applying to a program that does not participate with CASPA...and those do exist!!). Instead of explaining all of this, use an example of a particular patient experience you had. 

 

THIS: "I have not only discovered an intense passion for providing care, but that the more a caregiver is able to show empathy and incorporate their questioning into a genuine conversation the more appreciative and open patients tend to be.  In addition, I have learned the power a sincere smile and small words of encouragement can have on a patient’s attitude toward even the most daunting tasks." Explain how you learned that?! You must have had an experience - either someone gave you that sincere smile, or you realized what a difference your words of encouragement made on someone else?? Talk about YOU and your time with a patient, rather than explain what a PA did, "Additionally the PA was responsible for explaining the care plan to nurses as well as the rationale behind any changes in orders. " [side note: I do not believe that PAs/MDs/etc have to explain their rationale behind their orders. A favorite saying in my office, "Because I'm the freaking doctor!" Doctors and PAs do not have to explain themselves. They have been trained to make decisions and change orders. And they do not have to justify their reasons.] 

 

 

I REALLY like what you've got going here. Just a few edits!!! Best of luck to you! 

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