Personal Statement Rough Draft. Any feed back would be greatly appreciated!

[APQ]

**  Any advice would be greatly appreciated - thank you!! **

 

 

In 2001 I began my secondary education uncertain where it would end up, but ready to take the first step in what I knew to be the right direction. Lacking focus, I stumbled through a handful of semesters at the local University before I discovered the world of exercise science. An automobile accident in 1999 had left me with constant back and neck pain that was alleviated only when I discovered and implemented a purposeful exercise program. I set out to gain deeper knowledge of the subject and equip myself with the tools that would allow me to share this information and help others. With this new found focus, I set my sights on a B.S. degree in health and physical education and enrolled in a program that placed a heavy emphasis on exercise science and pre-physical therapy courses. Excited and intrigued by what I was studying, I soon realized my academic potential. 

 

The capstone of my undergraduate degree was a semester-long internship, which I chose to complete at a cardiac rehabilitation program within a local hospital in my hometown of Anchorage, Alaska. I experienced things during that semester that would change the trajectory of my life. I sampled the joy that comes from helping people improve their quality of life, experienced the fulfillment of operating as part of a health care team, and I was allowed the opportunity to observe several complex procedures that ignited an unquenchable curiosity for the medical sciences. It was during the observation of a quintuple coronary artery bypass grafting when I first learned of, and observed, a physician assistant in action. The attending PA worked fluidly as a second set of hands to the cardiothoracic surgeon, demonstrating competence and confidence during every step of the surgery. To my surprise, portions of the procedure were completed solely by the PA, including the excision of the saphenous vein and the final closing of the sternum. During the course of the internship the seed of pursuing a career in medicine was planted, and I discovered the vehicle that could get me there. 

 

Without fully realizing my calling for medicine and with a lingering interested in exercise science, I explored careers in personal training and working as an exercise specialist for a physical therapy clinic. These positions allowed me the opportunity to work with people and empower them to make positive changes in their lives, but I quickly discovered that each of these positions were devoid of the satisfaction that came from helping sick, fragile people navigate serious illnesses and experience joy in new-found quality of life. 

 

In 2009 I traveled to Swaziland, Africa to help an orphanage struggling to grow and care for the ever growing number of children abandoned by an adult population devastated by AIDS. I departed on the two month trip with the intention of helping in any way possible, and I was optimistic that I could impact the health of the children; some of which who are victims of HIV/AIDS. My limited knowledge of medicine prevented me from truly realizing that desire, and I found usefulness spending time in communion with the children and tackling a medley of electrical and general construction tasks badly needed around the compound. Each day I yearned for the ability to impact the physical needs of the children and give them every opportunity to live healthier, happier lives. 

 

In the fall of 2009 I married an amazing woman and leaned on lucrative construction jobs to support my new family. While the money was good, I was not serving those in need with the gifts that I was blessed with, and it was in that absence that I knew I was to pursue a career in medicine. I began taking prerequisite coursework and I landed a job working as a clinical exercise physiologist in the cardiac rehabilitation program where I completed my internship. I gained invaluable experience working with patients with complex health issues, and learned how to operate as an integral part of a health care team. 

 

One year later the door opened for me to operate as the proctor for all exercise and pharmacologic stress tests at a branch of Alaska’s premier cardiology clinic. The immense responsibility and expertise required to perform the required duties excited me and I accepted the job. My intuition, growing understanding of technical aspects of the medical sciences, and ability to make sound decisions under pressure were demonstrated by the completion of several hundred stress tests without incident. 

 

My time spent working in the health care field, observing PAs in a variety of settings from family medicine to urology, and prerequisite coursework has both deepened my desire to become a physician assistant and demonstrated my aptitude for undertaking such a challenge. Upon my completion of PA school, I intend to practice stateside and start a family, volunteer at our church’s free medical clinic, and participate annually in medical mission trips wherever care is needed.

[APQ]

.... and does anyone know why 'amazing woman' has become a link to an iPhone case on Amazon.com?

[PASASM92]

This is a great personal statement.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[APQ]

Thank you SGajajiva! 

[paapp123]

Hi APQ,

 

First, I think your first paragraph needs a better intro because I'm not "pulled" in. Overall, it is a strong essay. However, I would end on a stronger note -- a more powerful sentence.

 

Also your sentence "My time spent working in the health care field, observing PAs in a variety of settings from family medicine to urology, and prerequisite coursework has both deepened my desire to become a physician assistant and demonstrated my aptitude for undertaking such a challenge" is not grammatically correct (all your verbs need to be -ing). For example, By working in the healthcare friend, observing PAs..., and completing pre-requisite coursework.... This way the sentence structure is parallel.

[APQ]

paapp123, 

 

Thank you very much for your feedback! I will work on my opening and closing sentences based on your recommendations. I hope you are having an excellent weekend, 

 

Andrew

[akfiddlegirl]

I LOVE your personal statement....  I am working on mine for a second try for MEDEX and hope to have it up later today for critique.  I interviewed 2 cycles ago....  Good Luck!

[APQ]

Thank you akfiddlegirl! I have not looked to see if you have posted your personal statement yet, but I will soon. Best of luck to you as well :)

Andrew

[triguy18]

Mostly agree with others, a stronger conclusion would go a long way, but overall a very good personal statement!

[PA1325]

I enjoyed reading your personal statement. I think your experience shows that you are well aware of what a PA does and that you are focused on your goal to become a PA. I also like that you stated your future goals once you are a PA. It is interesting.