Personal Statement - Feedback for feedback :)

[jgaboria]

Here goes nothing... My personal statement I tried to address what some schools might see as a GPA issue

3.3 cGPA but some C's due to the rigor of my private university and my molecular genetics major. No C's in any of the required pre-req courses but just wanted to add it into my personal statement.

 

I will help out others as well! :)

Thanks guys!

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         The personal philosophy that guided the life of Walter Reuther, a famous American labor union leader, exemplifies my genuine passion in life. Reuther once said, “There is no greater calling than to serve your fellow men. There is no greater contribution than to help the weak. There is no greater satisfaction than to have done it well”.  My experience helping others in the health care field has provided me with an overwhelming sense of personal worth and happiness. While the path that led me to my current job as a patient care technician was not easy, it has been one of the most rewarding experiences of my young life.

 

            My parents both came from a small rural town in New York where education was not their main priority. My father only graduated high school, while my mother received a two-year degree from a community college simply due to her parents’ insistence. When my parents divorced in 2006, I was left to pay for my college degree on my own. I held two part-time jobs throughout my entire four years of college. As a result, my GPA suffered, as having money to live became a priority over the extra time I needed to study for an exam. However, I persevered because I knew my purpose in life was to help others in the medical field. There was not an hour of my day throughout college that I did not take full advantage of. I was either at work, studying, or volunteering, because my dream of being in the medical profession was my top priority.

 

            After graduating college, I wanted to immerse myself in a health care profession. Medicine has always intrigued me as I witnessed several of my family members experience cancer, ostomy bags, pancreatitis, and a variety of other health issues. My passion for medicine and wanting to serve others led me to begin working as a patient care technician at Unity Hospital on a cardiac and stroke floor. It was here at Unity that I was exposed to the often life-threatening heart conditions and the debilitating complications following a stroke. The job was extremely challenging, frequently involving post-mortem care and the delicate emotional issues that surround the end of life.

 

            However wearing at times, my job was exceptionally gratifying. I was in direct contact with patients and their families. Aside from taking care of their medical needs, I was able to help them emotionally by talking with them and listening to their concerns. It was through these intimate moments with my patients that lead me to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant (PA).  I discovered that when the patients asked me specific questions about their illness and plan of care, I was left feeling helpless. I had a strong intrinsic desire to learn more about the diseases and I wanted to have a greater responsibility in their treatment and plan of care.

 

            My own medical emergency would soon transform me from a health care worker to a hospital patient. I awoke one morning in 2011 with crippling abdominal pain. After several hours in the emergency room, the doctors had not found the cause of my aliment. I was extremely afraid and concerned by the time the PA came in to assess me. The PA entered my room and calmly began to explain my plan of care. She explained the procedures the healthcare team wanted to perform and why they were necessary. After the procedures were over, she came back into my room to explain that I had been diagnosed with diverticulitis. She immediately explained the condition and offered to answer any questions I had. I was amazed at her friendly and compassionate manner when communicating with me. She treated me like a person, not just another patient. I knew from this moment on I would pursue my dream of becoming a PA to the fullest of my ability.

 

           Physician Assistants have the medical responsibilities that I desire: being able to diagnose and treat patients while employing a holistic approach with regards to the patient’s emotional needs. While shadowing a geriatric PA at Unity, I realized the Physician Assistant career embodies the true meaning of patient advocacy. The PA sat at the bedside of her patients and explained their plan of care while also engaging the patient in the conversation. She asked the patients about their concerns and was genuinely interested with their emotional well-being in addition to their physical state. I was overjoyed to discover the intimate moments that I had with my patients talking with them at bedside would only become amplified when I became a PA.

 

           My passion for learning and my genuine love of helping others gives me confidence that I will one day become a Physician Assistant who will go above and beyond to give my patients the absolute best medical care physically and emotionally. I am looking forward to utilizing my passion and completely engrossing myself in the Physician Assistant profession.

[CSCH]

Try not to use quotes. They're super cliche! You only get a little space to talk to the adcomm, and you shouldn't waste their time or yours with someone else's words.

 

You said in the first paragraph that your path hasn't been easy, but that doesn't really play out in the rest of the narrative. NB, I am NOT insinuating that your life has not been challenging, but simply that you haven't communicated that in your PS. Either cut that out or back it up.

 

There's lots of fluff in here. If you really want to be a PA, you've got to have some kind of fire in you that's going to sustain you all through this elaborate application process, over two years of intensive schooling, and then actual practice. Communicate that fire to the committee!

 

Hope this helps! Good luck!

[rachiehayes]

1st paragraph - Although I've heard quotes are cliche, I like your opening paragraph

3rd paragraph - I would take out ostomy bags

Final paragraph - I would find another word for "engross" 

 

Overall I think its a great essay - you mention why you want to be a PA, your HCE, challenges, and cover your interest in rural areas. Good luck!