Need Some Help! This is my first draft, but please be honest!

[mlowry13]

I never had the opportunity to meet my grandfather, he passed away when my mother was just fifteen years old from colon cancer that while caught in the earliest stage had caused him to pass away just 6 months after his diagnosis. With the advances in modern medicine just 30 years later someone that is diagnosed with this type of cancer even in later stages has a greater opportunity of surviving than my grandfather had. If there were technological and medical advances like we have now just a few decades ago, maybe I would have had the opportunity to meet my grandfather.

 

Ever since I was a kid I have known that I wanted to go into the medical field. From the time I started middle school I have always been fascinated with not only how the body works but also with the different technological advances that one sees throughout a lifetime. My freshman year of high school my mother and I were out getting lunch at a local fast food restaurant when we received a phone call that changed our lives. My cousin who was just shy of eighteen years old at the time had been in a dirt bike accident and was being rushed to a local hospital emergency room. By the time we arrived at the hospital my cousin had been in surgery, which he unfortunately did not make it through. When we finally were able to see my cousins body was that reassuring moment that told me that medicine was my true calling. At that exact moment that I was saying goodbye to my cousin I thought about the intense amount of pain and emotions that were being felt by not only myself, but my entire family. That was when I knew that by entering the medical field I could be the individual that helped to make a difference and try to save every patient in order to save their families from feeling that hardship that I had felt at that exact moment in time.

 

From that time on I knew that my destiny was to enter into the medical field. I first learned about the physician assistant profession my freshman year of college when I began researching various professions within the medical field. After researching the profession there were so many positives that I was instantly interested in this profession. The major aspects of this profession that enticed me were the fact that I would still legally be able to prescribe medications to patients and that as a PA I would be able to change specialties if I had ever decided to. While I knew that I had done an adequate amount of research on the profession I knew that shadowing would give me a peak into what the profession entails to ensure that this was the right choice for me.

 

As a psychology major I have a fascination with the various mental disorders and the different diagnostic criterion that classify each of these disorders. My first shadowing experience was in a psychiatric unit at Marymount Hospital, while I was nervous about the experience for a week prior, as soon as I entered the unit I never felt more at home. I assisted in doing the initial assessments and the discharge process on the patients and found myself more intrigued by every patient that I met. Besides having a positive personal experience during this shadow, it was really reassuring when I saw that the PA, nurses, and physicians all worked together, the chain of command appeared to dissipate and everyone worked cohesively in order to make sure that the patient was receiving the best care possible. Viewing that cohesiveness between the professionals aided in reassuring that becoming a PA was the right career path for me.

 

I believe that my educational background, extra curricular activities/leadership experiences, and patient care experiences have prepared me for a life as a PA. All of the shadowing, volunteer experiences, and my recent job as a PCNA for the Cleveland Clinic have provided me with a solid foundation in symptom presentation, treatments, and diagnoses. In every medical situation that I have ever experienced all of the medical professionals have been more than willing to take time out of their schedule in order to help enhance my learning. Not only have my experiences in hospital settings allowed me to have a better medical foundation, but all of the hours that I have put in through shadowing, volunteering, and working in the medical profession have really enhanced my communication skills with patients, which is key to providing good care.

 

With the new healthcare reform being put into place, it is key that the provider-patient relationship stays intact. When there is a strong relationship between the provider and patient it allows the patient to more easily have trust and faith in the medical professional, which will allow for a more accurate and meaningful experience. As a PA my goal would be to form a relationship with my patients and provide them with the most adequate care I can possibly provide.                                                                                               

[yellowpadofpaper]

By no means should you take what I am going to say as law or the end-all-be-all. But, just from quickly reading through, you seem to reiterate that you want to be in the medical field a lot. So much so that it becomes redundant and takes away from your essay. Also, you should use more examples of why and how your experiences have prepared you for life as a PA.

[DiggySRNA]

It's "okay"...but what have YOU done that thousands of other applicants haven't done or written about?

Choose one to talk about: your grandpa's death or your cousins. One should be enough to add to your purpose.

Elaborate on your experiences. This could easily be used for an NP personal statement because it is so generalized. You need to be clear and concise to why you decide PA and not NP. 

ADD some emotion, make me sob, happy, and excited to meet you. Brag about how you help others (community service) while still being true to yourself and not cocky.

 

It's hard to write a PS because I am struggling myself haha. Read other personal statements to see how yours compare to others. Good luck :D

[Topsy]

"As a PA my goal would be to form a relationship with my patients and provide them with the most adequate care I can possibly provide."

You used the word "provide" twice in this closing sentence. I would advise you try for some verbs with a little more punch.

 

"I never had the opportunity to meet my grandfather, he passed away when my mother was just fifteen years old from colon cancer that while caught in the earliest stage had caused him to pass away just 6 months after his diagnosis."

Whoa! Throw some comma's in there!

 

"The major aspects of this profession that enticed me were the fact that I would still legally be able to prescribe medications to patients and that as a PA I would be able to change specialties if I had ever decided to."

Don't end with a preposition.

 

Overall, it's a good start but it seems a little generic. Granted, I just kind of skimmed it. But for instance, instead of saying that you volunteered, you should mention it in a way as to why it's relevant to PA (as in, "my chance to volunteer at a mental hospital and build up relationships with the residents really solidified my passion for pursing a medical career that is centered around patient care." or something like that).