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Need constructive criticism! Thanks!


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      I have always known that I wanted to have a job in the medical field. From very early on I was interested in the sciences and medicine. Throughout high school Anatomy and Physiology was the class I couldn’t wait to go to and when it was over I didn’t want to leave. Midway through college I had an experience that really solidified my decision. I was sitting on the couch with my boyfriend and some of his friends one day when he suddenly began to seize violently. I immediately knew what was happening and tried to get him on his side. One of his friends dialed 911 while we moved the furniture away from him so he wouldn’t injure himself. I have a true calling to medicine, and especially becoming a physician assistant. 


      I first learned about the physician assistant profession when I began researching careers in the medical field during my freshman year of college. There were so many positives about the PA profession that I was instantly interested. Not only could I diagnose and treat patients, but I could also change specialties if I ever decided to. Also, by working as a team with a doctor, tough diagnoses could be discussed to give the patient the best form of treatment. While shadowing at Faith Family Medical, I really saw the positive relationships between nurse practitioners, PA’s, and physicians. They would perform their daily duties independently, but if a question arose, there was no hesitation to ask others for advice. After shadowing a PA and working in a healthcare environment, the PA profession is the right choice for me. The length of time in school, the cost of schooling, and the level of autonomy of a PA have only reinforced my decision. This is why becoming a PA is more appealing that any of the other provider roles. 


      I believe that my education and other life experiences have prepared me for a life as a PA. Working at a pediatric clinic has provided me with invaluable knowledge of the patient-provider relationship. The clinic also provided me with a good foundation in symptom presentation, treatments, and diagnoses. Having physicians and nurse practitioners that were willing to explain diagnoses and treatments has enabled me to learn even more. Working at the clinic has also allowed me to improve my communication skills with patients. Communication is key to providing good care. My job consists of calling the patient back, recording their chief complaint, and then recording their vitals. All of this requires excellent communication between myself and the patient. I have to make sure I’m writing down the information the patient is giving me correctly. This allows the provider to get a preliminary idea of why the patient is being seen. My education, while tough at times, was very rewarding. My second year of college is where I struggled the most. I had just transferred and I hadn’t fully realized the impact that my grades would make later on. I think this was an important learning lesson for me as I had to work even harder to get my GPA back on track. As the courses got increasingly difficult, I learned better study methods and was generally able to gradually increase my GPA. I managed to graduate with honors despite a few rough semesters.  


       With the new healthcare reform being put in place, more patients that ever will be seeing providers. It is important to me that the provider-patient relationship remain intact. When there is trust between a patient and a provider, care is more accurate and meaningful. As a PA, it would be important to create a healthy and caring environment for patients because this is what keeps the relationship going. While I was shadowing one day, there was a patient who was following up after seeing her cardiologist. She insisted on hearing the results from the PA even though the cardiologist had already explained everything to her. She told me it was because she trusted her provider. To the patient, the PA was the only person who could adequately provide care for her because she was seeing the whole picture, not just one part of her body. After seeing how a PA functions on a daily basis, I know this is something that I want to do.


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Good job overall on your essay! I'm applying this year too so don't over- analyze any advice I give :)

 

I liked how you started out with a personal experience. I think it's relevant, but it would help if you could make a connection before the last sentence of that paragraph that showed how that experience directly affected your desires to be a health care professional. It just seems like you kind of jumped straight from the end of the story to a calling in healthcare without saying why. I think it's great that you have so many shadowing experiences and that it is important to point them out, but try to talk about them in ways that aren't already in the rest of your application, like when you describe your responsibilities. 

 

I found a quick typo:

 

With the new healthcare reform being put in place, more patients that than ever will be seeing providers. It is important to me that the provider-patient relationship remain intact.

 

But like I said, I really like it, and good luck to you this year!

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